JOKE - Jeff Foxworthy on Ontario

Purpdust · 03-29-2006, 5:23 PM

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and
sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you live in Ontario.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Ontario.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in Ontario.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you live in
Ontario.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Ontario.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you
live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN IF:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back again.
5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter,still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means London ...
11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Ontario friends.

phobiaphobe · 03-29-2006, 5:35 PM

15. Your idea of a weekend getaway is to spend 18 hours idling up the 400 from Toronto to your Muskoka cottage, spend 12 hours at the cottage, leaving you just enough time to get some maintenance and chores done, then idle back down the 400 another 18 hours to Toronto.

phobiaphobe · 03-29-2006, 5:38 PM

16. You have never really travelled anywhere because, "what could the rest of the world possibly offer that Toronto doesn't already have?"

phobiaphobe · 03-29-2006, 5:40 PM

17. You call a case of beer a "halfacase" and a 24 pack is considered a case.

BDA116 · 03-29-2006, 5:41 PM

18. Nobody cares.

phobiaphobe · 03-29-2006, 5:43 PM

19. Piss off

Sunbert · 03-29-2006, 5:44 PM

20. plural noun, verb (past tense), room, celebrity, verb ending in "ing"

phobiaphobe · 03-29-2006, 5:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunbert

20. plural noun, verb (past tense), room, celebrity, verb ending in "ing"

pubes
plucked
kitchen
David Letterman
barfing

Sunbert · 03-29-2006, 5:49 PM

Tour of Colonial Mansion

Troughout the mansion, you will find portraits of previous pubes who also plucked here. Upstairs, you can see the famous kitchen where the ghost of David Letterman has often been seen barfing.

Getsome · 03-29-2006, 7:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phobiaphobe

17. You call a case of beer a "halfacase" and a 24 pack is considered a case.

24 pack is a case. a 12 pack is just a good preflight before going out...

Purpdust · 03-29-2006, 8:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Getsome

24 pack is a case. a 12 pack is just a good preflight before going out...

Hey Phobe it is funny you say that. In Newfoundland I asked the guy at the Liquor Store were the cases were and he looked at me like I was a retar and said "right infront of you" then I replied no that is a half case.

Purpdust · 03-29-2006, 8:04 PM

the one I found nthe most funny is
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back again.

Mojave954 · 03-29-2006, 8:06 PM

Sunbert,

Is that your DNA coding?????

Yeah, I jacked the thread. What of it?

jon · 08-14-2007, 5:52 PM

21. You drive all the way to Florida to sit in the shade.