[ConqSoft]

Not sure what paper this was in....

A touch of evil (and Evel)

Ducati's 999R, a hyper-fast race bike for the street, has designs on your
soul.


By Dan Neil, Times Staff Writer

If you enjoy the wide-open freedom of a motorcycle, the wind in your face,
the carefree, horizon-chasing moment, then by all means avoid the 2005
Ducati 999R.

This thing is misery on two wheels, a wickedly disposed and temperamental
exercise of sheer mechanical narcissism upon which you assume a posture like
it's flashlight inspection day in prison. Its 150-hp V-twin motor runs on
damned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children. All this
bike wants to do, all it dreams about at night, is catapulting you over the
handlebars or pitching you backward onto the streaming concrete so you make
one of those slo-mo, Evel-Knievel-at-Ceasars-Palace death rolls in your
fancy Italian riding leathers.

So plan your day accordingly: After riding this bike, you will need some
time to unwind. Go for a Polynesian fire walk, perhaps. Play some "Deer
Hunter" roulette. Or, if so equipped, have a vasectomy.

The 999R is one of a mutant species of vehicles built to meet the
production-based rules of a racing series, a process called homologation.
The American Superbike Championship requires that competing bikes must be
largely based on series-production motorcycles. In order to make the Ducatis
more competitive, the company has built a limited number (500) of 999Rs,
which are, in fact, pitifully disguised racing superbikes with just enough
street-legal spit on them to pass DMV inspection. The badge on the
carbon-fiber fender is that of the factory racing operation, Ducati Corse.

Made of steel, titanium, carbon fiber and sadism, the 999R is as close as
you are going to get to a grand prix motorcycle, and unless you are a
fantastic rider with years of experience, you don't want to get that close.
This bike will beat you down like you said something bad about its mother.

Look for my name in the annals of motorcycle glory. You won't find it. I am
a competent but by no means expert rider. I accept this. Call me a wimp, a
weenie, a wuss, if you are inclined to excessive alliteration. But this bike
scares the pudding out of me.

So, there I was on Sunset Boulevard, puttering along in first gear with
about 1,500 rpm showing on the tach, hunched over the handlebars. My
sunglasses slipped down my nose.

When I took my right hand off the accelerator, there was the briefest moment
of adhesion between my palm and the gummy rubber grip - just enough to goose
the throttle slightly. The bike jumped like it had been poked with a cattle
prod. Baaaa-WHAAAYH! The force of the acceleration whip-lashed my helmeted
head, wrenching my neck.

This was the first sunglasses-adjustment injury I have sustained.

One sunny Sunday morning, I got up early, determined to take the bike for a
proper stretch of the legs. Velcro'ed and zippered into my motorcycle fetish
leather, I pointed it down the 210 West and wrung the throttle, working up
through the gears yet shifting well short of the bike's howling 11,000-rpm
redline. In the 20 seconds or so that it took me to reach fifth gear, the
speedometer read . well, I'm not going to tell you what the speedo read.

The point is, the bike was just waking up, just beginning to shake its
strange, low-speed awkwardness. The super-stiff springs and shocks, which
burr and tremble on the patched concrete around town, went all velvety; the
aero cowling, useless at 60 mph, threw the jet stream over my ducked head,
creating a small pocket of tranquillity inside the headlong tornado; the
engine - all chatters and clatters at low rpm - began resonating like a
cathedral pipe-organ keyed with a Hallelujah chord.

My license would last about a week with this bike, maybe less.

So it is fast - top speed is about 190 mph (you didn't hear that from me).
But it's also quick.

The fundamental ratio of performance machines is power to weight, usually
expressed as pounds per horsepower. A Ferrari F430 with driver weighs about
3,300 pounds, a burden shared by its 490 horsepower, which the abacus tells
us is about 6.7 pounds per horsepower. The Ducati 999R (dry weight of 398
pounds) weighs about 600 pounds with me on board, which means each of its
150 horsepower must move only 4 pounds.

It's hard for those who have not saddled a superbike to appreciate the sick,
perverted violence of this equation. If you rev the 999R's engine to about
6,000 rpm, shift as much of your weight as possible over the front wheel,
and gingerly slip the clutch for a couple hundred feet - and if you can hang
onto it - the bike will accelerate from 0-60 mph in about 3 seconds. Your
wits might take a bit longer to catch up.

But woe betide the rookie who fails to execute the full-power launch
precisely right: The bike will be delighted . delighted, thank you . to
wheelie over onto its, and your, back. Even in second and third gear, the
bike's massive torque (at 8,000 rpm) will easily pull itself over your head
in an asphalt full gainer.

Oh, and what's that smell? Why it's my roasting thighs.

The heart of the 999R (that is, if it had a heart) is the 999-cc
displacement, liquid-cooled, V-twin engine. This has to be the most highly
stressed engine in any street vehicle, producing 150 hp out of less than one
liter displacement.

The technology that goes into this bespoke, sand-cast engine is the stuff of
race engineering, but its essential feature - beside the ludicrous power -
is the unbelievably low reciprocating mass. This courtesy of alloy pistons,
featherweight billet crank and exotic and titanium-intensive "desmodromic"
valve train - which is to say, the return action of the valves relies on an
opposing rocker arm system rather than passive valve springs.

What does all this mean? The internal moving parts of the engine are
extremely light, so they can accelerate and decelerate very quickly. Gas the
motor and the rpm shoot skyward. Heigh ho, Silver! (or its equivalent in
Italian). Let off the gas and the rpm and power plummet - which can be quite
exciting if, for example, you miss a shift under hard acceleration. It would
be very easy to be unhorsed this way.

As hard as the bike speeds up, it slows down even harder. The radially
mounted Brembo front disc brakes are incredible.

But, again, the slightest misapplication of pressure on the right-hand brake
lever - say, two fingers instead of one - and the bike will stop dead in its
tracks, leaving you to sail over the carbon-fiber fairing like Buzz
Lightyear.

The 999R is a very naughty motorcycle. However, I did learn a few tricks on
the serpentines of the Angeles Crest Highway that made my time with the bike
easier.

First, get all the braking done in a straight line; none of that fancy
trail-braking into the corner that you see on televised Superbike races -
you ain't Valentino Rossi and I'm certainly not.

Second, get off the saddle early and set up for the corner. The bike is far
too reactive, far too edgy, to permit sliding off the saddle once you enter
the corner.

Third, hold onto the bike with your legs; avoid putting any weight on the
grips. The slightest tug can cause the bike to surge out of your control.

Fourth, stay in a higher gear than you might on a less powerful bike. Crank
the bike over on the tire sidewalls and roll on the throttle and let the
ludicrous amounts of torque pull you through the corner. Have no fear. The
bike's racing tires have stupendous grip on dry pavement.

Fifth, use the force, Luke. As difficult as it may be, you have to trust
this bike. The harder you ride it, the more stable and secure it feels. I
practically stood the thing on its nose under braking and the tail didn't
wiggle an inch. I flopped it over from rail to rail as hard as I knew how
and the front end didn't even tremble. Pound for ornery pound, this has got
to be the most dynamically perfect motorcycle in the world.

Yes, once you master the brakes, the stuttering dry-plate clutch, the
splenetic throttle, the aching-back riding position and its overall rabid
dog demeanor, the 999R can still be a traumatic life event. I mean, come on,
it's a racing bike! It is to normal street bikes what crystal meth is to
your morning coffee.

I have never been so relieved to park any vehicle unscathed in my garage.

And yet, I confess, I was a little sad to see it go.

*

2005 Ducati 999R

Price, as tested: $32,000

Powertrain: 999-cc, sand-cast alloy, V-twin engine, liquid cooled,
desmodromic timing, four valves per cylinder six-speed transmission,
multi-disc dry sump clutch, chain drive, 15/36 final drive ratio.

Horsepower: 150 hp at 9,750 rpm

Torque: 86 pound-feet at 8,000 rpm

Weight: about 420 pounds

0-60 mph: 3 seconds

Top speed: 190 mph (estimated)

Wheelbase: 56 inches

Final thoughts: Light fuse, get away.

[Pete]

Originally Posted by ConqSoft

Not sure what paper this was in...

Probably GQ.

[RRWANTR]

La times

[ccwilli3]

top speed... 190....

[CBR929RE]

so what I'm to understand is the guy didn't particularly like most of the feelings it gave him. yet those are the feelings most of us are after. its like when we buy a new bike and take it out for the first time and give it a good go then you stop at the local convience store to regroup and just say "whoa that thing is fast" and the whole time you have a smile all the way around your head, then you get back on for more. this guy seemed pretty content just parking it, he must be a cruiser regular and just occassional sport biker

[2OHOH2]

Originally Posted by ccwilli3

top speed... 190....

Yeah, I know, it's 205 isn't it? Journalists

[CBR929RE]

Originally Posted by 2OHOH2

Yeah, I know, it's 205 isn't it? Journalists

dammit how did I forget that

[abtech]

Obviously he didn't have it long enough to require replacing the clutch basket and adjusting the valves (around 250 miles) . . .

[davef]

Has that author ever been on a sportbike or was that his first time

There were so many incorrect statements in that "review" that I almost stopped reading it. And I barely know anything about Ducatis...I love it when papers or magazines step out of their realm of expertise to review "cool" stuff. Ever read a blurb about cars in Stuff...painful.

You don't see Car and Driver reviewing dishwashers.

[Chain]

Greatly entertaining bit of creative writing. Especially enjoyed this passage:

"Its 150-hp V-twin motor runs ondamned souls and is lubricated with the fat of unbaptized children."

But it's still a Ducati.

One that costs what a nice Honda Accord would set you back.

[papadaca]

im thinking of getting one may be able to snag a salvage Duci at 5000.

[Bigtoe]

I would still take an RC51 over a Duc. They are just as rare and easier to maintain.

[ldavis]

this thread is a year old since it's last update.. and 4 1/2 before that..

[HRC RC51]

Originally Posted by ldavis

this thread is a year old since it's last update.. and 4 1/2 before that..

Agreed..and Ducati has changed the their top bike 3 times (1098 to 1098R and now 1198s) not counting the D16RR

[Kelevra]

Old thread, old bike, and an ugly one at that. Best thing Duc. did was fire the jackass who designed the 999/749. Moving forward to a modernization of the 916/996/998 (while bringing back their trademarked Single Sided SwingArm), was the better move, as sales show. 2 year fact. warranties, 2 year road side assistance, first year of service free makes for good sales, and happy Duc owners. Oh, I sell Ducati's in the Summer, haha.