[Cowboy1600]

Got sent this the other day, thought it was pretty funny.

And so none of you take this as "yank bashing", its written by John Cleese (of Monty Python fame) and is a PARODY of your country. For those who dont know what parody means I looked it up for you:

n. pl. par·o·dy

1.
1. A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule.

Im sure this was written for comic effect.
__________________________________________________ _______________


Declaration of Revocation:
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for
further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on
your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g.
Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you
can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "uhh", "like", "awesome", "whatever" and "you know" are
unacceptable and inefficient forms of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not
old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use
bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents ---
Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with
subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such
place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If
you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become
"shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be
re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't
cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event
called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of
America.

Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be
allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball
without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no
longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a
vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to
handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables.
Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.


10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French
fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian
though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe)
are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on
calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut
and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer
which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to
all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not
actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British
Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known
as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser
company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine."
This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in
the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13.From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as
you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with
the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA
and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US
gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be
handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without
suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to
handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you
shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.



EDIT: Title.

[CBRVFR]

It's not as funny as your willingness to believe it's true:

Claim: Monty Python member John Cleese penned a satirical piece announcing the revocation of America's independence.

Status: False.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

Keep it up, though, Cowboy. You're an inspiration to all of us.
















I thought maybe you'd believe that as well...

[nhfirefighter13]

For those who dont know what parody means I looked it up for you:

So you didn't know what it meant?

[Zeeman]

Who cares, it's still funny, especially

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Z...

[matt232]

I with you Zee, funny becuase its true!!!

[Hammer]

Go ahead and make fun of the US.

Who you gonna call when a war breaks out bigger than your army can handle( if you even have one)? FRANCE

[Zeeman]

Lighten up, it's a joke. there are just as many posted about France and the others. speaking of which, you'll probably find "warm flat beer" is a bit of a ribbing at the Pomms themselves. I mean, seriously, WARM FLAT BEER!!! ARGH!!! Not really a beer drinker, but when I do drink beer, it's gotta be ice cold... Otherwise, it may as well be "warm flat Gnats urine.."

Z...

[SORTAFAST]

It always amazes me how people trash talk the United States. The first item of business, after risking life and limb to get here, is to put a damn sticker on the back glass of their cage telling us where they're from. If their country is so damn special then why leave. Besides, who gives a big **** which hell hole they came from anyway and screw John Cleese. He's a prick. By the way, where does he reside?

[tigerblade]

Originally Posted by CBRVFR

It's not as funny as your willingness to believe it's true:

Claim: Monty Python member John Cleese penned a satirical piece announcing the revocation of America's independence.

Status: False.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

Keep it up, though, Cowboy. You're an inspiration to all of us.

I thought maybe you'd believe that as well...

Whatever dude. Michael Moore told me that John Cleese wrote it.

It would be cool to have a King and Queen though. I've always thought it would be best to be ruled by someone who was born into a particular family, not because of their leadership skills.

[bwhip]

I hate the USA and especially George Bush.
Sincerely,
Cowboy 1600


Yeah, we get it.

[BDA116]

What's especially funny - well besides the part that Cleese has the intellect of a kindergartner (or CB1600) - is the fact that our independence is not something granted to us by england, nor can it be taken away by them.
We kicked their sorry asses twice for our freedoms, and we'd do it again at the drop of a hat.
Yeah, all hail and bow down to some big eared jackass, all because he is part of a family that thinks they are blood decendants of Jesus Christ himself. Hail some meaningless family just because they say so!!

[CBRVFR]

Originally Posted by tigerblade

I've always thought it would be best to be ruled by someone who was born into a particular family, not because of their leadership skills.

Nicely done, TB! You could school "John Cleese" who is a comic genius and a master of understatement, unlike the author of that labored (laboured?) screed.

[Northy]

Originally Posted by Zeeman

Who cares, it's still funny, especially


Z...

Should we call you Zedman?

[Cowboy1600]

Originally Posted by nhfirefighter13

So you didn't know what it meant?

How would I know what to look up if I didnt know what it meant? Nice one brainiac.

[Cowboy1600]

Originally Posted by CBRVFR

It's not as funny as your willingness to believe it's true:

Claim: Monty Python member John Cleese penned a satirical piece announcing the revocation of America's independence.

Status: False.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

Keep it up, though, Cowboy. You're an inspiration to all of us.
















I thought maybe you'd believe that as well...

Oh well, big deal. Its still a clever satire.

[Cowboy1600]

Originally Posted by BDA116

well besides the part that Cleese has the intellect of a kindergartner

Your obviously too stupid to understand Monty Python humour.

[Cowboy1600]

Originally Posted by CBRVFR

It's not as funny as your willingness to believe it's true:

Get over it.

[Cowboy1600]

Originally Posted by bwhip

I hate the USA and especially George Bush.
Sincerely,
Cowboy 1600


Yeah, we get it.

See previous post.

[Zeeman]

Originally Posted by Northy

Should we call you Zedman?

that's the spirit

Z...

[colryn]

I thought it very funny, and I am not a big Monty Python fan. For the first time, I give high marks to Cowboys posts.

Very funny stuff indeed.

[Baketech]

Originally Posted by GeorgeBush1600

Oh well, big deal. Its still a clever satire.

Yes...but by your own definition, you LIED...

[nhfirefighter13]

Originally Posted by Cowboy1600

How would I know what to look up if I didnt know what it meant? Nice one brainiac.

You truely are a moron arent you?

So, if you don't know the meaning of Microcephaly, you wouldn't know how to look it up?