[luvtolean]

Yeah, it's at the expense of liberals, but so what. It's funny anyway. I'm sure I'll get some redneck 'merican comments from the peanut gallery...BRING IT!

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans
> existed
> > as members of small
> > bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on
> > deer in the mountains in
> > the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish
> &
> > lobster in winter.
> >
> > The 2 most important events in all of history were
> > the invention of beer &
> > the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented
> > to get man to the beer.
> >
> > These were the foundations of modern civilization
> &
> > together were the
> > catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2
> > distinct sub-groups:
> >
> > Liberals & Conservatives.
> >
> > Once beer was discovered it required grain & that
> > was the beginning of
> > agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
> > can were invented yet, so
> > while our early human ancestors were sitting
> around
> > waiting for them to be
> > invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
> > That's how villages were
> > formed.
> >
> > Some men spent their days tracking & killing
> animals
> > to B-B-Q at night while
> > they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
> > what is known as "the
> > Conservative movement."
> >
> > Other men who were weaker & less skilled at
> hunting
> > learned to live off the
> > conservatives by showing up for the nightly
> B-B-Q's
> > & doing the dishes,
> > sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the
> > beginning of the Liberal
> > movement.
> >
> > Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
> > women. The rest became
> > known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal
> > achievements include the
> > domestication of cats, the invention of group
> > therapy & group hugs & the
> > concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide
> > the meat & beer that
> > conservatives provided.
> >
> > Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized
> > by the largest, most
> > powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
> > Liberals are symbolized by the
> > jackass.
> >
> > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
> > added), but most prefer white
> > wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish
> > but like their beef well
> > done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard
> > liberal fare.
> >
> > Another interesting revolutionary side note: most
> of
> > their women have higher
> > testosterone levels than their men. Most social
> > workers, personal injury
> > attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood &
> > group therapists are
> > liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
> > rule because it wasn't
> > "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
> >
> > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
> meat
> > & still provide for
> > their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
> > rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
> > construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
> > police officers, corporate
> > executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone
> > who works productively
> > outside government. Conservatives who own
> companies
> > hire other conservatives
> > who want to work for a living.
> >
> > Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
> > "govern" the producers &
> > decide what to do with the production. Liberals
> > believe Europeans are more
> > enlightened than Americans. That is why most of
> the
> > liberals remained in
> > Europe when conservites were coming to America.
> They
> > crept in after the wild
> > west was tame and created a business of trying to
> > get more for nothing
> >
> > Here ends today's lesson in world history

[oldfogey]

You know, I had to trail through eleven pages of Google before I could find the definition of Liberal that I work to:

http://mason.gmu.edu/~ihs/guide.html

I always describe myself as a C19th liberal, but after all the political rubbish derived from the US usage of Liberal, I'm not surprised you're averse to the term.

[SuperDave]

Where's Baketech and his fishing references, cause this might land some big ones!

[Baketech]

I am deeply offended by that...

[phobiaphobe]

The federal Liberal party of Canada has also tainted the term.

[Newfie TLR]

LTL, I wish there was a way to put into words how closely that describes Canadian Politics.

That's even better than:

Moses said:
Pick up your shovel, mount your ass and I will lead you to the Promised Land!

Pierre Elliot Trudeau (Canada's long time Liberal Prime Minister) said:
Throw down your shovel, sit on your ass 'cause THIS IS the promised Land!!!

[luvtolean]

A while back someone posted a test determining where you were politically. I was more liberal than conservative.

"Libertarian" describes me best.