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post #1 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 6:32 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

I don't know if these are true or not, but they are hilarious in a sick sorta kind of way.



INNER SKELETON

A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.



FEMALE SOFA

A 500lb. (35.5 stone!!! ) woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.



PRICKLY PAIR OUCH!

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat in her privates...' and it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.



PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no ####! ), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness).



BLIND DRUNK

A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.



OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??).

While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go. And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!



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post #2 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 6:37 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

note to self: Never date an epileptic...
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post #3 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 6:38 PM
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

I've probably read these a dozen times via email. Since I believe about 0% of what I read in email, I'd say they're BS. They are funny though.
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post #4 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 6:42 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Quote:
figment : note to self: Never date an epileptic...

Craig
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post #5 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 7:57 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

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RedTalon : PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no ####! ), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness).
Actually, they aren't all BS. The above is, at least based on, a true story.

Here's the X-Ray:


And here's the concrete they removed:


More fun can be found here.
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post #6 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 10:26 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Okee Dokee... Here is a pic of an Xray of a guy that had a Texas Pete bottle up his ass... How do I know? Because I pulled it out in the emergency room. It wasn't easy either... for either of us.
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post #7 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 10:27 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Please also note the vena cava filter... yes he was a former trauma patient of ours...
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post #8 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 10:30 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Quote:
TraumaOne : Okee Dokee... *Here is a pic of an Xray of a guy that had a Texas Pete bottle up his ass... *How do I know? *Because I pulled it out in the emergency room. *It wasn't easy either... *for either of us.
Whew! I'm glad you said you pulled it out in the ER, cause for a sec I thought you were going to say that you pulled it out of his ass

I suppose you've seen worse, too. Ugh, that's one of several reasons I'd never want to work in health care
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post #9 of 28 Old 06-09-2003, 10:36 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

A week earlier we had a guy on our service we had to take to the OR to remove it... it was too far up. He said he was cleaning the bottle in the shower and slipped... anybody remember that seinfeld episode?
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post #10 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 2:16 AM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

I had one of my patients accidently circumcise himself, alot of blood so you do what you do with any haemorrage.
Compress and elevate!

My mums a doctor and her best story is a gay couple coming into the ER one of them had a garden gnome in his arse
Yes it's true and the guy ripped himself open literally and had to have a colostomy.
His boyfriend now isn't getting any anymore

Porn Star and Eloque Mother Fu*#er
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post #11 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 2:38 AM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

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post #12 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 5:10 AM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Quote:
2OHOH2954 : Quote (TraumaOne @ June 09 2003, 9:26pm)Okee Dokee... *Here is a pic of an Xray of a guy that had a Texas Pete bottle up his ass... *How do I know? *Because I pulled it out in the emergency room. *It wasn't easy either... *for either of us.
Whew! I'm glad you said you pulled it out in the ER, cause for a sec I thought you were going to say that you pulled it out of his ass *

I
I was thinking the same thing

Do unto others, before some prick does it to you!

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post #13 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 9:53 AM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Quote:
ER : I've probably read these a dozen times via email. *Since I believe about 0% of what I read in email, I'd say they're BS. *They are funny though.
I doubt it's I could tell you stories about some carrots that would make you gag and laugh your butt off. Oh what my eyes have seen in my career.
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post #14 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 10:13 AM
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

I got a buddy who is not exactly the brightest of the bunch. *One night, he and his girlfriend (now wife) were having some fun with an EXTERNAL ONLY vibrator. *It's a little tiny one about the size of a roll of film with a corded remote. *The dumbass decides to insert the sucker up her hoohaa.

Well, when he went to pull it out, the cord ripped clean out of the unit. *By now his girlfriend is freaking out. *He tried everything, including salad tongs (no joke), to get the thing out. *He finally broke down and had to take her to the ER.

The best part of the story is she is a nurse and worked at the ER where they took her. *Her coworkers were the ones who removed the foreign object.

Oddly enough, she married the freak after all this.




Confucius say, "Foolish man give wife piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
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post #15 of 28 Old 06-10-2003, 2:16 PM
 
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Re: True Emergency Room visits

Quote:
CRU : I got a buddy who is not exactly the brightest of the bunch. *One night, he and his girlfriend (now wife) were having some fun with an EXTERNAL ONLY vibrator. *It's a little tiny one about the size of a roll of film with a corded remote. *The dumbass decides to insert the sucker up her hoohaa.

Well, when he went to pull it out, the cord ripped clean out of the unit. *By now his girlfriend is freaking out. *He tried everything, including salad tongs (no joke), to get the thing out. *He finally broke down and had to take her to the ER.

The best part of the story is she is a nurse and worked at the ER where they took her. *Her coworkers were the ones who removed the foreign object.

Oddly enough, she married the freak after all this.
I know lots of ER nurses in this area. Give it up. PM please?
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