Oil change reality - Honda Motorcycles - FireBlades.org
Off-Topic Discussion of anything that doesn't fit anywhere else. If it's related to motorcycles in any way, DO NOT post it here. Post it in General Discussion or a more specific forum.

User Tag List

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 1:39 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: 11-01-2002
Location: Santa Clarita, SoCal
Age: 49
Posts: 233
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 18
 
Re: Oil change reality

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1)Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.

18) Sunday: Skip church because 'I gotta finish the oil change.' Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer?... No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in gas for the lawn mower

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August, 2003 in the left boob.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over:..... arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00

Total $4165.00

But at least you know the job was done right!!

"They're on our right, they're on our left, they're in front of us, they're behind us;
they can't get away from us this time."
- Chesty Puller, USMC, Chosin Reservoir, Korean War
DevilDog is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 2:36 AM
 
Join Date: 08-15-2002
Posts: 10,811
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
   
Re: Oil change reality

That was great! Almost as bad as my bad today. I excitedly drained my blade oil so as to try out the new Amsoil. Had one hell of a time getting the oil filter off - I won't even go there. When I finally succeeded I realized I had forgotten to purchase a new filter . Sooo, my bike sits with a note on the tank 'NO OIL', lest I have a senior moment tomorrow. But it only took me about 3 beers.
Bacchus is offline  
post #3 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 4:15 AM
 
Join Date: 12-10-2001
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 56
Posts: 5,183
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 24
 
Re: Oil change reality


Do unto others, before some prick does it to you!

ratter is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #4 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 1:18 PM
 
Join Date: 09-02-2002
Posts: 684
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Quote:
DevilDog : 33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August, 2003 in the left boob.
This is so freakin' true when sh*t goes wrong while doing my own work.
Bigtoe is offline  
post #5 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 1:37 PM
 
Join Date: 01-26-2002
Posts: 6,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
   
Re: Oil change reality

Funny but that sounds like a dipshit guy It's just not that difficult for the rest of us, except for Bacchus
deez is offline  
post #6 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 1:46 PM
 
Join Date: 04-22-2003
Location: Charlotte/NC/US
Age: 42
Posts: 193
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 17
 
Send a message via AIM to glory452
Re: Oil change reality

awesome......LOL
glory452 is offline  
post #7 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 2:44 PM
 
Join Date: 11-01-2002
Posts: 224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Very funny. *I'm sure some of it applies to everybody that pretends to be a mechanic on weekends. *Me included!
SoCalRider is offline  
post #8 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 3:06 PM
 
Skully's Avatar
 
Join Date: 02-19-2002
Location: Albuquerque
Posts: 759
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 18
 
Re: Oil change reality

I'm very good at dropping the drain plug in the hot oil.

Craig
Skully is offline  
post #9 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 4:42 PM
 
Join Date: 08-29-2002
Posts: 1,147
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
   
Re: Oil change reality

if all of these haven't been true at one time or another then you haven't worked on a car enough or your one of those professional speedee guys in disguise!
MedTechRR is offline  
post #10 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 4:51 PM
 
Join Date: 05-25-2002
Posts: 1,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Did my oil change last night on the truck.

1. Went to pep boys

2. ONLY picked up filter and 4 qts of oil (no beef jerky)

3. went home, got tools out

4. crawled under truck (no jacks needed, lifted truck)

5. drained oil and changed filter

6. added new oil, checked level

7. good to go!

Total $11.15

alexandra is offline  
post #11 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 4:53 PM
 
Join Date: 05-01-2001
Posts: 12,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
             
Re: Oil change reality

Ok, that's the rest of the proof. alexandra is the perfect woman.
ConqSoft is offline  
post #12 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 4:58 PM
 
Join Date: 07-26-2001
Location: NorCal
Age: 44
Posts: 190
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 19
 
Re: Oil change reality

I've done:

Hide used filter in trash thing

Screw driver thru old filter to get it off thing.
Oh and the crescent wrench thing...




That was the best race I have ever seeen....
knip is offline  
post #13 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 5:05 PM
 
Join Date: 05-07-2003
Posts: 3,599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Quote:
ConqSoft : Ok, that's the rest of the proof. *alexandra is the perfect woman.
Yep... that did it...
2OHOH2 is offline  
post #14 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 7:01 PM
 
Join Date: 05-25-2002
Posts: 1,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Ok you guys made me blush......

I guess I shouldn't mention then that I also changed out the dogbone and front wheel bearings on my Fiero and also the power steering pump in my truck, tranny/gaskets, head lights... (ok, I'll stop..he he)

But seriously, I actually really enjoy working on cars, never had the opportunity before. Plus its fun getting all greasy!
alexandra is offline  
post #15 of 23 Old 06-11-2003, 7:09 PM
 
Join Date: 05-07-2003
Posts: 3,599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Reputation Power: 0
 
Re: Oil change reality

Quote:
alexandra : But seriously, I actually really enjoy working on cars, never had the opportunity before. Plus its fun getting all greasy!











...ok, not really, but dayuumnnn
2OHOH2 is offline  
Reply

  Lower Navigation
Go Back   Honda Motorcycles - FireBlades.org > Other > Off-Topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Honda Motorcycles - FireBlades.org forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
A valid e-mail address is REQUIRED. You will not have access to any site features until you activate your account using the activation e-mail that is sent to this address.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Race bike wheel change Mavic Honda FireBlade 13 12-14-2003 7:36 PM
brake change? MarkN929RR Honda FireBlade 1 11-05-2003 4:47 AM
Body-on oil change HawkGT Honda FireBlade 14 08-28-2003 5:46 PM
How to change oil on a 954RR? just_john Honda FireBlade 8 07-02-2003 2:27 PM
929 early oil change recommendations Mavic Honda FireBlade 1 05-28-2003 5:26 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome