Gibbers rocks Spain - extraordinary Moto GP report
Puddle of Mudd star stars in the puddles of rain:
Puddle of Mudd rocker, Sete Gibernau, swam his way to his first victory of 2004 on the Fjords of Jerez. Sete's victory helped brighten the dampened spirits of the 125,933 fanatic local fans who were drenched to their undies by the freak tsunami that hit the wine making region.
"I'm delighted that Sete won" said a Spanish fan now suffering from pleurisy "but this weather is awful. I was hoping to throw a donkey off a watch tower tonight to celebrate the result, but I fear that might prove impossible. We may just have to beat it to death instead."
Sete's result came as a welcome surprise to himself as he wasn't expecting to give the locals the win they wanted. "It was an amazing result" said the rock singer "With the most amazing part being me. I've always said that the best riders win in the wet, like me and to a lesser extent Michael Rutter. I'd like to dedicate this victory to myself and to my fans and not at all to them filthy scumbags at Honda who keep down-grading my machine. Now where did Hayden finish again? Oh year, over a minute behind me."
Following home Sete in second place was the inform Maxine Biaggi. Max, who one said that he enjoys watching old ladies fall over, eventually finished five seconds adrift of Sete but pushed the Donkey Chucker all the way until the dying stages. The two Evil HRC riders raced wheel to wheel leaving the other weaker riders in their provable wake. Biaggi followed Sete for the opening laps and when he splashed past to take lead two thirds into the race it looked ominous that the beard shod Camel rider would win. However a mistake from Biaggi let Gibbers back through and from that lead he powered away to victory.
"I'm very pleased with my result" said Biaggi as he wiped away the tears "Obviously Sete's bike was of a higher spec than mine, so I can't be anything but happy with the result I got."
Finally Repsol had something to smile about as their man, Zombie Barros, crossed the line in third place.
"About bloody time too" said a delighted Respol official "Talk about backing the donkeys. All that cash we give to HRC and what do they do with it? We want Gibbers and that moaning guy...but not that rubbish American moaning guy, that other one."
But it was a day of mourning for Yamaha and particularly their rider Valentino Rossi, especially after the amazing results of Welkom a fortnight before. "Hiya haiter de rain" sulked Rossi "Hiya waz asser sheet asser de biyk waz."
Rossi started the race from pole and looked set for a second straight win but the rain proved a little too spicy for him as he struggled to stay aboard the bucking Yam. Rossi was lucky he didn't suffer more embarrassment as his team mate Marco Melandri powered passed him and looked set for an impressive podium position. Unfortunately for Marco he binned it and lost his chance of proving his worth in the Yamaha team.
It was a weekend to forget, like at Welkom too, for Colin 'The Texan Turncoat' Edwards. The moaning yank again complained of 'chattering' possibly from his teeth as water seeped into his leathers. But the bleating fell on deaf ears as his teammate, Gibernau, powered to victory on an identical machine. Colin's claim to be able to 'win the championship' now look dafter than ever.
And again it was a complete weekend to forget for the now semi-nail Ducati outfit. Bayliss skittled himself and satellite Ducati rider Ruben Xaus down in the opening laps as Britain's Neil Hodgson, who once called Foggy a coward, retired mid-distance with engine troubles. Team Ragu's only finisher was Loris Capirossi in a distant 12th place over a lap down on the leaders and still as short as ever.
However there were upbeat moods in the Kawasaki camp as their machine, with Captain Shinya Nakano at the helm, finished in a creditable ninth position. The result was slightly overshadowed by Nakano's amazing sixth position on the grid but none the less proved that the green bike was coming of age and now seemingly entering the semi-nail category.
But the ride of the day came from Italy's Michel Fabrizio on the hyper-nail WCM machine as he finished in an amazing 10th position. That position put him higher than full factory machines of Yamaha, Suzuki, Proton and Ducati all on a bike that's been quoted as being 'miles shitter than even the Proton'. Furthermore Fabrizio could have embarrassed Evil HRC's Colin Edwards if he wouldn't have suffered clutch problems that caused him to crash mid race and loose over half a minute.