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post #1 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 1:23 AM Thread Starter
 
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goodbye....

I just NEED to put my thoughts down, and I can't put it on my own blog because too many real life people read it. But I need to write it down as I feel it raw.

Where do I begin? How does one who's known you intimately for this many years begin to say goodbye? How does one who's bumbling thoughts cannot begin to keep up with your brilliance begin to tell you it's over? Is there any other way to say it? It's over.

Oh god, I can't believe we didn't make it. Lord knows we've tried. We've fought through all the naysayers, all the dirty gossip, and all the haters. But in the end, we proved them right.

The sad thing is, it's my fault. Like our private joke, it's always my fault. Except this time, it really is.

We've shared so many wonderful moments together, memories that I will not only cherish, but imprint them into a part of my soul so that I may never forget - your soft loving touch, brushed against my cheeks. Your warm supple lips kissing the top of my forehead. The way you curl into a ball as you sleep in the crook of my arm. I will never forget.

I won't forgive you for loving me. The only person who thought I was made of something. The only person who saw through my facade, my manful pride, my boyish imp. You're the only person who's ever seen me cry, the only one who's wiped my tears away. You're the only one who knows the truth. Even my bestest friends have never seen the pain that I've shown you.

And you've accepted that. You've take me, warts and all, into your arms like a treasure chest of your favorite toys. You've given me the best years of your life; this is something I can never repay.

I am a simple fool. One who will look back at this and regret it. I've said time and time again, "I've never regretted a moment of my life." But now I'm not so sure. No, I'm sure. I'm going to regret letting you go.

It is so cliche, but there it is. It is for the best. It is simply for the best that I let you go. You've always said I was selfish, and you were right. I am selfish for holding on to you so long. I was selfish for keeping you so close all these years. I've always know this: I was and will never will be worthy of you.

I can see you cry now. I can hear you say "No. Don't go." and I want to listen. But for once in my life, I must not listen to your sweet gentle voice, the only person on earth who could stop me from being stupid.

Hell, I would have given up my joys in life to keep you from tears. You alone know how much I love my bike, and if giving it up would save our relationship, I would gladly stop. But it isn't that trivial, it isn't something I can easily fix.

Because we can't. Because I can't. Or maybe I won't. I don't know anymore. All I know is that things can't be the same, and won't be perfect. Even though the ache in my heart tells me to come back to you, I know it's better you don't take me back. I know it's best for you to leave me.

I am a simpleton. I am not as learned as you, but I know something you do not. You're strong. Stronger than the pain in your heart mirrored in my soul. Strong enough to move on.

/* added after posting
Yes, I'm scared, no less than you. As stupid as it sounds, it's like a man trying to enjoy playing soccer with one leg. How am I supposed to enjoy life when the only thing worth living for is gone? You've been a part of me for so long now, heck, need I say more?

But there it is, isn't it. If my penance is to have this everlasting hole in my heart where you should have been, then so be it. I pay gladly. Because to see you happy is to make my life complete, even if I feel empty.
*/

I better stop now. I can no longer read the words that I'm typing. I'm beyond rationale. All I know is that I hurt, but you're not the medicine I need.

Goodbye baby. See you when I see you.

Be fast or be last.

Last edited by asiliat; 08-06-2004 at 11:56 AM.
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post #2 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 1:36 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Damn dude, sounds pretty deep. I hope all comes out well in the end...
Chris
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post #3 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 2:06 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

im very sorry man, i too have been trhu it and youve come to the right place, friends are the only ones that can help... we are all there for you buddy. pm me if you ever need too...

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
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post #4 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 2:22 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Geez I wish I could have done something that constructive when it happened to me. I've got to hand it to you, after reading that I'm right there with you.

Keep it coming if its helping you.
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post #5 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 6:04 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....



Sorry for your loss, I hope things work out for you

Do unto others, before some prick does it to you!

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post #6 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 7:16 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Things will work out for you in the end. Sorry for the rough times now.

Team Honda - well sorta...
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post #7 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 7:33 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Stay strong brother...
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post #8 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 7:42 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Stay sane man...


"...and you fellas can back me up on this. Once you've seen one woman naked... you want to see the rest of them naked." -Ron White
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post #9 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 8:07 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Time heals all..... Keep yourself busy and stay strong.
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post #10 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 8:11 AM
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Re: goodbye....

Hang in there...life has a way of working things out.

"It is better to post and risk reposting than to have never posted at all."




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post #11 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: goodbye....

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I'm going take it easy on the bike for a while too.

Be fast or be last.
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post #12 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 10:47 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Keep your chin up.

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post #13 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 11:05 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

asiliat my friend,

That was some great, and moving, reading. Don't send it to the one intended yet if not too late.

PM me anytime.

Official Racer Dude Guy, according to a neighborhood 6 year old.
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post #14 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 11:10 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

Quote:
Originally Posted by asiliat
Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I'm going take it easy on the bike for a while too.
Seems to be a lot of this going around. My relationship of 1.5 years just exploded Monday - it's over. **** happens I guess.

Why take it easy on the bike? That is what helps me most in times like this.

Either way, good luck and keep your head up.
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post #15 of 26 Old 08-06-2004, 11:27 AM
 
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Re: goodbye....

That was indeed moving asiliat. Very sorry to hear of what you are going through. Times like these are extremely painful - hope you get through this as fast as possible. And recognizing that you should take it somewhat easy on the bike is a smart move IMO. Shouldn't be riding around WFO when depressed or in anger. Hope you stick around the forum, as we are all here for you! PM anytime...

Here in Oz
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