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post #1 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Two Cows

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

"It is better to post and risk reposting than to have never posted at all."




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post #2 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 11:28 AM
 
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Re: Two Cows

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post #3 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 11:59 AM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Unfortunately, the American corporation description is way too accurate.
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post #4 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 3:06 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

That is pretty good.

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post #5 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 4:36 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Democracy, Canadian style:

You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has one. Your neighbor is in a lower tax bracket so he's making more money with his one cow than you are with 2. You sell your second cow but pay tax on the capital gain so now you have less money than you started with.

Someone says Canadian cows are mad, so Americans won't import them. Price of American cow goes up, price of Canadian cow goes down. American comes across the border and buys your cut-rate cow, hoards it in a Canadian feedlot until the border is re-opened, then bring it to the US and sell it for way more. Pay no tax on the capital gain.

Canadian ends up with no cow, wishes he hadn't bothered.

And then there's this asshole...

Last edited by phobiaphobe; 03-14-2005 at 4:37 PM.
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post #6 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 4:58 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Quote:
Originally Posted by phobiaphobe
Democracy, Canadian style:

You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has one. Your neighbor is in a lower tax bracket so he's making more money with his one cow than you are with 2. You sell your second cow but pay tax on the capital gain so now you have less money than you started with.

Someone says Canadian cows are mad, so Americans won't import them. Price of American cow goes up, price of Canadian cow goes down. American comes across the border and buys your cut-rate cow, hoards it in a Canadian feedlot until the border is re-opened, then bring it to the US and sell it for way more. Pay no tax on the capital gain.

Canadian ends up with no cow, wishes he hadn't bothered.
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post #7 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 6:36 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows


"Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it."
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post #8 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 8:13 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Pretty good Red Rider!

Also good - not much chance of THAT one being a repost... No one could forget that tome!

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post #9 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 8:53 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Good one Red,
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post #10 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 8:57 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

OK, so they're bulls, work with me.

McGavin to his new partner...

"There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one, 'Hey pop, let's say we run down there and **** one of them cows!'

The older one says, 'No son, lets walk down and **** 'em all.'"


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post #11 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 8:59 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chain
OK, so they're bulls, work with me.

McGavin to his new partner...

"There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one, 'Hey pop, let's say we run down there and **** one of them cows!'

The older one says, 'No son, lets walk down and **** 'em all.'"


Nice addition
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post #12 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 8:59 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Know the movie?
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post #13 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 9:29 PM
 
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Re: Two Cows

Colors

"Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it."
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post #14 of 22 Old 03-14-2005, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two Cows

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacchus
Pretty good Red Rider!

Also good - not much chance of THAT one being a repost... No one could forget that tome!
I knew I was safe with this one...

"It is better to post and risk reposting than to have never posted at all."




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post #15 of 22 Old 03-15-2005, 4:16 AM
 
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Re: Two Cows

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
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