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post #1 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 12:27 PM Thread Starter
 
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George Carlin

This is a bit old, and probably been posted...but it's still funny
Quote:
COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

*
CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.


TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!



And Last but not least.....




George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart .. "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail."*
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post #2 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 12:35 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Good stuff, George is one funny mofo.

Dan
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post #3 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 12:36 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Huge Carlin fan. Seen him live twice. Me and my brother used to listen to my dad's George Carlin records when we were about 5. I guess that's why I turned out so well.

**** piss **** **** ********er mother****er and tits.

And then there's this asshole...
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post #4 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 12:46 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

7 words you can't say on T.V.

If selling is legal and ****ing is legal. Why isn't selling ****ing legal?

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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post #5 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 12:49 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Rape can be funny. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd.

And then there's this asshole...
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post #6 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 3:18 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Quote:
Originally Posted by phobiaphobe

**** piss **** **** ********er mother****er and tits.
They do say some of those on TV now. He needs to update that bit.
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post #7 of 14 Old 07-07-2005, 3:28 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Step 1 instead of ass say buns like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns-hole"

And then there's this asshole...
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post #8 of 14 Old 07-08-2005, 12:25 AM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Cat ****, bat ****,
dirty old twat!
69 assholes tied in a knot!
Hurraaay, lizard ****,
****!
...or something like that.

Last edited by MN NICE; 07-08-2005 at 12:27 AM. Reason: forgot a line
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post #9 of 14 Old 07-08-2005, 11:44 AM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Quote:
Originally Posted by phobiaphobe
snip....**** piss **** **** ********er mother****er and tits.
Tits!! Tits doesn't belong on the list man!!! That sounds more like a snack!!

Cheese tits, onion tits, tater tits!!! Bet ya can't eat just one!!!!

I assume everyone has heard his rant on the differences between baseball and football?? I almost wet my pants the first time I heard that!!
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post #10 of 14 Old 07-08-2005, 11:59 AM
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Re: George Carlin

Quote:
Originally Posted by MN NICE
Cat ****, bat ****,
dirty old twat!
69 assholes tied in a knot!
Hurraaay, lizard ****,
****!
...or something like that.
I learned that song in college...

Is a paradigm worth 20 cents?
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post #11 of 14 Old 07-08-2005, 3:24 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Quote:
Originally Posted by phobiaphobe
Step 1 instead of ass say buns like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns-hole"
I'm gonna have to say "bunshole" to someone today.
Where's "Pete"?
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post #12 of 14 Old 07-09-2005, 7:36 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

Quote:
Originally Posted by Newfie TLR
Tits!! Tits doesn't belong on the list man!!! That sounds more like a snack!!

Cheese tits, onion tits, tater tits!!! Bet ya can't eat just one!!!!

I assume everyone has heard his rant on the differences between baseball and football?? I almost wet my pants the first time I heard that!!

NEW! Nabisco Tits!

And then there's this asshole...
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post #13 of 14 Old 07-11-2005, 5:19 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

this thread is pretty god damn awesome...

i can't wait to buy his new book, "When will Jesus bring the porkchops?"
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post #14 of 14 Old 07-11-2005, 9:29 PM
 
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Re: George Carlin

And now a word from the national apple society. **** pears
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