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post #1 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:06 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Airplane humor

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Craig
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post #2 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:13 PM
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Re: Airplane humor

OMG... LMAO...

Life always looks better through bugs on a face shield.
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post #3 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:14 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

I would have bet the farm this thread was about the movie 'Airplane'!

'Ever seen a grown man naked?'

'Do you like movies about gladiators?'

'Ahh yes, I had lasagna'


"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."- John Stuart Mill


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post #4 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:16 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

That's some funny stuff Skully!

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."- John Stuart Mill


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post #5 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:17 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor



That's great!

"...and you fellas can back me up on this. Once you've seen one woman naked... you want to see the rest of them naked." -Ron White
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post #6 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:19 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

Quote P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

I wonder if that's true?




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post #7 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 4:22 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Airplane humor

Quote:
pczach : I would have bet the farm this thread was about the movie 'Airplane'!

'Ever seen a grown man naked?'

'Do you like movies about gladiators?'

'Ahh yes, I had lasagna'
That was a classic! Everytime I see it I see something I missed previously.

Craig
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post #8 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 7:06 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

We tried signing stuff like that while I was in the Navy. People couldn't take the joke so we had to resort to some creativity... Always a riot reading those things.
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post #9 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 7:15 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

I read that a long time ago, but don't think it was on this forum so I will not go on about the kittens
It is still a good read though

Do unto others, before some prick does it to you!

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post #10 of 10 Old 08-08-2003, 10:59 PM
 
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Re: Airplane humor

Been a while since I've seen it, thanks for the laugh
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