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post #1 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 7:06 PM Thread Starter
 
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divorce letter (j/k)

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife

--------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind Was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you Must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still Loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that You wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was Born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!


Bikes and women - both have nice curves.
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post #2 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 7:08 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

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post #3 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 7:13 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)






...in bed.
-------------------------------------

...you are trying to insult me, and I agree it is very easy to do, if you haven't sufficient respect for yourself. - Tolstoy
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post #4 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 7:47 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

good one
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post #5 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 8:03 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

Nice!!!

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post #6 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 8:09 PM
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)



Now why can't that happen to me? Nice one.

"Come on you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?"
[GySgt Daniel J."Dan" Daly, USMC; near Lucy-'le-Bocage as he led the Fifth Marines' attack into Belleau Wood, 6 June 1918]
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post #7 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 9:19 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)


If you like to talk **** be sure you have the ass to back it up !! If not SHUT THE FU*K UP !!!!
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post #8 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 10:50 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

Good one GhostRider!

Here in Oz
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post #9 of 12 Old 10-07-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

That was a good one!

"another beautiful theory beaten to death by a gang of ruthless facts..."
- Tom Hanna (Master Metalshaper/Nitrogeezer)
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post #10 of 12 Old 10-11-2005, 12:54 AM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

OMG! That's classic!

X
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post #11 of 12 Old 10-11-2005, 2:45 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

heres another good one!

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up,

he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the

table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some

refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you

liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did.

She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of

this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that

since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should

be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around,

John showed up at Bill's house at 2p.m.

sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom

and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left...

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the

house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few

minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband

curtly asked, "And did

he give you $500? In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and

after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give

me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,

"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and

borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this

afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
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post #12 of 12 Old 10-11-2005, 3:18 PM
 
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Re: divorce letter (j/k)

DAMN! Thats funny!

....these belong in the Jokes thread tho...

X
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