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post #1 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 4:39 PM Thread Starter
 
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David Hasslehoff?

Seeing as I missed the "everyone loves chuck norris" thread...

1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the
third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f**k down.

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
wet. The water gets David instead.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World
Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,
and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come
to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
up with lactose's sh1t.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching
his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year
later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because
Grammy's are for queers."
Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child
to be thrown into the sun.

22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,
he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow
motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno
erupts behind him.

24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he
ate every last unicorn in existence.

26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

27. The eternal connundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
himself in the face.
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post #2 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 4:42 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Wasn't Vin Diesel's the same?

HD
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post #3 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 4:44 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

are you bored? I must be, cause I read it all
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post #4 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 4:52 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Hasselhuff can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
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post #5 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 5:31 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubba
Hasselhuff can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
I hear he can also suck start a Harley

I hear he can suck a golf ball through a garden hose (a 100' garden hose that is!)
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post #6 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 6:05 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

<------------
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post #7 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 6:19 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Who's Wally?
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post #8 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 6:35 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

thats a ripoff of www.chucknorrisfacts.com

chuck norris would try to roundhouse kick hasselhoffs ass but end up just kicking right through him killing him.

but since Hasselhoff is so big in Germany and Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany the arguement is mute as to who is better. Norris wins

if you can't convince them, confuse them.
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post #9 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 7:14 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CBR929RE
thats a ripoff of www.chucknorrisfacts.com

chuck norris would try to roundhouse kick hasselhoffs ass but end up just kicking right through him killing him.

but since Hasselhoff is so big in Germany and Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany the arguement is mute as to who is better. Norris wins


Yousee...there's a little known fact about Chucky...and that is as follows.

CN and DH were in a fight. CN tried to pierce DH's chest with his long beard, but DH's chest hair is so strong that it completely sheared CN's beard and he fell to the ground crying like a little girl. His beard hasn't grown a nanometer since. DH 0wnz CN.
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post #10 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 7:52 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CBR929RE
but since Hasselhoff is so big in Germany and Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany the arguement is mute as to who is better. Norris wins





Oh, but you do lose points for misspelling "moot".
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post #11 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 8:46 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

See what the cold does to your brain.

Damn, need that put down the crackpipe pix.
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post #12 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 9:06 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mo Noyz



Oh, but you do lose points for misspelling "moot".
oh man that one is bad. usually I catch it when my hands mess up what I thought my brain told them to do.


CN is so much better than Hasselhoff. The only one equal to CN is Mr.T. When they enter a building together the building explodes because it can't contain their awesomeness.

if you can't convince them, confuse them.
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post #13 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 9:11 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CBR929RE
oh man that one is bad. usually I catch it when my hands mess up what I thought my brain told them to do.


*sigh*



You youngsters never grab an oppurtunity when one is presented.

Your correct answer should have been "I did not misspell moot, I correctly spelled mute".

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post #14 of 14 Old 01-24-2006, 9:13 PM
 
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Re: David Hasslehoff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mo Noyz
*sigh*



You youngsters never grab an oppurtunity when one is presented.

Your correct answer should have been "I did not misspell moot, I correctly spelled mute".

haha. while yes that is true, I accept the beatings from the grammEr police (Ironman929 ref.)

if you can't convince them, confuse them.
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