Men, Women, and how they change their Oil - Honda Motorcycles - FireBlades.org
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post #1 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 4:38 PM Thread Starter
 
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Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

====================================
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.

Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench; hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps and missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Last edited by navydevildoc; 05-17-2006 at 6:28 PM.
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post #2 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 6:01 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Sweet, thanks.

I've been trying to convince the wife to go to the quick change places, but she likes me to do it. This might just enlighten her to the troubles I go through making her happy.


.... and of course, I do my own car because I want it done right
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post #3 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 6:13 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

I used to do the quick change places until I got under my truck one day and noticed none of the zerk fittings had seen grease since the General sold it to me.



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post #4 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 6:20 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

I seldom drink so my personal oil changes don't cost much and I get better quality filters and oil

Must obey the sheep dog
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post #5 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 7:40 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvtolean
I used to do the quick change places until I got under my truck one day and noticed none of the zerk fittings had seen grease since the General sold it to me.
Wally World rebuilt my Transmission to the tune of $1600 due to them not checking the fluid, or greasing the fittings. Both were checked on the work order. Oh, and rented me a Z71 for 2 weeks.

It's amazing how stupid some people can be.
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post #6 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 10:25 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Where did you find this woman that actually took her car to get an oil change done rather than just driving her car until it died and then wondered what was wrong?
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post #7 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 10:32 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDA116
Where did you find this woman that actually took her car to get an oil change done rather than just driving her car until it died and then wondered what was wrong?
Exactaly. "Honey the car is making a funny noise." "When did it start?" "A few weeks ago..."
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post #8 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDA116
Where did you find this woman that actually took her car to get an oil change done rather than just driving her car until it died and then wondered what was wrong?
Hey, now. I've been doing regular oil changes on all vehicles I've owned, starting with my car when I was 17.
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post #9 of 24 Old 05-17-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDA116
Where did you find this woman that actually took her car to get an oil change done rather than just driving her car until it died and then wondered what was wrong?
My wife once let her Cadillac oil change go 20,000 miles overdue.

It's amazing how stupid some people can be.
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post #10 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 2:46 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Everything except the drinking and cussing was me during an oil change.
That reminds me, I need to change the oil in the car and truck.
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post #11 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 2:51 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

I thought they waited for the check engine light to come on before checking or changing the oil?
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post #12 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 4:07 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeinjax
I thought they waited for the check engine light to come on before checking or changing the oil?
You mean "put a Post-It stick it over it becasue is was too bright and annoying at night." True story In the womens defence...I've seen just as stupid stuff from men. Just not as often.
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post #13 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 6:07 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

See my above post. to all of you. We're all not like that.
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post #14 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 11:14 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Quote:
Originally Posted by HondaGalToo
See my above post. to all of you. We're all not like that.
I'm making a broad generalization...not a generalization of broadsTruely you and Honda Gal are an exception and that cool
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post #15 of 24 Old 05-18-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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Re: Men, Women, and how they change their Oil

Just as that stupid story makes a broad generalization of men, which is absolutely untrue. I have never met a man that would even remotely match that story.
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