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post #1 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 7:38 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Sorry cant hang with that particle physics crap but I think we can all identify with Cliff Clavens wisdom.


Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.


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post #2 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 7:50 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Couldn't agree more. Maybe this explains why I can kick ass at pool after 6-pack or two.

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post #3 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 9:33 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Speaking of Cliff, how 'bout some words of wisdom from the real expert: Norm.

'How's a beer sound, Norm?' 'I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

'Beer, Normie?' 'Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Oh, why not, I'm still young.'

'What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?' 'Going down?'

'What's new, Normie?' 'Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach. They're demanding beer.'

'What'll it be, Normie?' 'Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

'What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?' 'Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.'

'Can I draw you a beer, Norm?' 'No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

'How about a beer, Norm?' 'Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.'

'What's going down, Normie?' 'My butt cheeks on that bar stool.'

'What will you have, Norm?' 'Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.' 'Oh, looks like beer, Norm.' 'Call me Mister Lucky.'

'What'd you like, Normie?' 'A reason to live. Gimme another beer.'

'What do you say, Norm?' 'Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.'

'What would you say to a beer, Normie?' 'Daddy wuvs you.'

'What do you say to a beer, Normie?' 'Hiya, sailor. New in town?'

'How's life treating you?' 'It's not, Sammy, but you can!'

'Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?' 'A little early, isn't it Woody?' 'For a beer?' 'No, for stupid questions.'

'What's the story, Mr. Peterson?' 'The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending.'

'Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.' 'I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.'

'Beer, Norm?' 'Have I gotten that predictable? Good.'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?' 'A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.''

'Whaddya say, Norm?' 'Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.'

'Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?' 'Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?' 'Another layer for the winter, Woody.'

'How's it going, Mr. Peterson?' 'Poor.' 'I'm sorry to hear that.' 'No, I mean pour.'

'Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts.'

'Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?' 'Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty.'

'What's the story, Norm?' 'Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.'

'How about a beer, Norm?' 'That amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?' 'The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody.'

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post #4 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 9:33 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Haha! An oldie but goodie! Cliff is my hero...

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post #5 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 9:40 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter


"...and you fellas can back me up on this. Once you've seen one woman naked... you want to see the rest of them naked." -Ron White
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post #6 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 10:46 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

WTF 2OHOH! Are you making fun of me? 'Cause if you are, I think it's totally uncalled for! To me this is not funny at all, and I take extreme resentment at your implication. What did I ever do to piss you off?!





















J/K Did I have you going, just a little bit maybe?

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post #7 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 10:58 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Quote:
Bacchus : WTF 2OHOH! *Are you making fun of me? *'Cause if you are, I think it's totally uncalled for! *To me this is not funny at all, and I take extreme resentment at your implication. *What did I ever do to piss you off?!

J/K * * Did I have you going, just a little bit maybe?
Nope, not at all, I give you too much credit to think that you'd be that annoyed, even if I was laughing at you (which I wasn't, that was a great collection of quotes ).


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post #8 of 9 Old 09-16-2003, 11:11 PM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Ah sh!t, guess I'm too obvious

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post #9 of 9 Old 09-17-2003, 12:15 AM
 
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Re: Drink Beer be smarter

Don't worry Bacchus, some of us still see the Cliff Claven in you.

Me... I'd happily be Norm.

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