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post #1 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 9:03 PM Thread Starter
 
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Quantiy or Quality ??

I recently read an article about whether spending quality time or quantity time with your children. Let me preface this sentence with a little background.

Background:
I had the most wonderful Saturday night with my eight year old son. I took him a college football game. He is growing before my eyes. I notice the appearance but the maturity I do not see all the time.

This is the second time I tried to take him to a game. Last December I took him to a game and he barely lasted the first quarter. He exclaimed to me that he was old enough to enjoy the game. I questioned him for a week before the game, informing him that it is going to take 30 minutes to drive to the stadium. We would have to stand in line for food and drink. There would be thousands of people here so we would be walking through crowds of people. Every time he would confess to me that he can make it. Well, after he filled up on a hotdog, pretzel and soda, he was ready to go home. Disappointed, we left before the half.

Prior to last week’s game, I asked him if he was sure he wanted to attend. Once again he assured me he wants to go. Now, he was determined to watch the whole game. And I am proud to say he did. He even participated in doing the wave, cheering the team as well as the cheerleaders. I could not have asked for a more perfect evening. We ate hotdogs, pretzels and even had Gatorade. He made me so proud. I wanted to hug him many times throughout the night. It just made to so happy that we were spending time together.

I have a total of four kids- ages 10, 8, 4, 2. Sharing time with them all is a chore. All need attention and in different ways. This brings me to the topic of this thread.

Topic at hand:
You here spending quality time with your kids are important. I agree to a certain point. Doing something fun together and bonding is a great way to get in touch with who they are. But I think quantity is as important as well.

I have had to travel more than I have ever done in the past three months. I realize that me not being there causes stress in there lives. I am only gone no more than three days at a time. In that time my wife states that they ask where I am and when am I coming home.

Being there at dinner time is important. Telling them to get a bath is important. Yelling at them to go to bed is important. Bottom line is BEING THERE is important. Quantity does matter in a child’s life. Don’t sell it short. I am no superdad. I do not have all the answers. I am just winging it as I go along. I just hope and pray that I make the right decisions for the better of my children.

Children….. I thought I was a man until had children. Now I am a dad.

This is just my ramblings. I wanted to share...
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post #2 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 9:09 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

Quote:
Originally Posted by colryn View Post
I recently read an article about whether spending quality time or quantity time with your children. Let me preface this sentence with a little background.

Background:
I had the most wonderful Saturday night with my eight year old son. I took him a college football game. He is growing before my eyes. I notice the appearance but the maturity I do not see all the time.

This is the second time I tried to take him to a game. Last December I took him to a game and he barely lasted the first quarter. He exclaimed to me that he was old enough to enjoy the game. I questioned him for a week before the game, informing him that it is going to take 30 minutes to drive to the stadium. We would have to stand in line for food and drink. There would be thousands of people here so we would be walking through crowds of people. Every time he would confess to me that he can make it. Well, after he filled up on a hotdog, pretzel and soda, he was ready to go home. Disappointed, we left before the half.

Prior to last week’s game, I asked him if he was sure he wanted to attend. Once again he assured me he wants to go. Now, he was determined to watch the whole game. And I am proud to say he did. He even participated in doing the wave, cheering the team as well as the cheerleaders. I could not have asked for a more perfect evening. We ate hotdogs, pretzels and even had Gatorade. He made me so proud. I wanted to hug him many times throughout the night. It just made to so happy that we were spending time together.

I have a total of four kids- ages 10, 8, 4, 2. Sharing time with them all is a chore. All need attention and in different ways. This brings me to the topic of this thread.

Topic at hand:
You here spending quality time with your kids are important. I agree to a certain point. Doing something fun together and bonding is a great way to get in touch with who they are. But I think quantity is as important as well.

I have had to travel more than I have ever done in the past three months. I realize that me not being there causes stress in there lives. I am only gone no more than three days at a time. In that time my wife states that they ask where I am and when am I coming home.

Being there at dinner time is important. Telling them to get a bath is important. Yelling at them to go to bed is important. Bottom line is BEING THERE is important. Quantity does matter in a child’s life. Don’t sell it short. I am no superdad. I do not have all the answers. I am just winging it as I go along. I just hope and pray that I make the right decisions for the better of my children.

Children….. I thought I was a man until had children. Now I am a dad.

This is just my ramblings. I wanted to share...
You just went up about 4 notches on the "reality meter".
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post #3 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

Enjoy them when they are young, they need your attention now and you will enjoy the time later in life that you spend now with them. (did that make sence?)

Wait till the teens come around, you no longer have a phone then.

It's amazing how stupid some people can be.
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post #4 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 10:43 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Enjoy them when they are young, they need your attention now and you will enjoy the time later in life that you spend now with them. (did that make sence?)

Wait till the teens come around, you no longer have a phone then.
Cheap ass. Get em their own lines!
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post #5 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 10:43 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

I just use the cell phone, they took my land line.

It's amazing how stupid some people can be.
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post #6 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 10:47 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

I am no Dad, but I type this from a hotel room at the beginning of a two week trip. In my industry...this is becoming more the norm, not less.

This is something that has always concerned me about kids.

Tough thing.

Great story, and as a non-Dad, who has a great Dad, you sound great in my book.



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post #7 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 10:48 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

Having 2 kids at a WAY age differences (3 and 18) I can't believe I did that. all I can say is they all need equally and like you say, it's so hard to put your time in each of them without thinking you missed out on one of them. Now, I'm rambling

I think for the fact that you are "rambling" which I don't think you are, that tells me that you care and are a great father

It's killing me inside knowing that my son is leaving for College next year. He's been my life for 18 years.
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post #8 of 17 Old 11-06-2006, 11:56 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

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Originally Posted by FrenchieR6 View Post
Having 2 kids at a WAY age differences (3 and 18) I can't believe I did that. all I can say is they all need equally and like you say, it's so hard to put your time in each of them without thinking you missed out on one of them. Now, I'm rambling

I think for the fact that you are "rambling" which I don't think you are, that tells me that you care and are a great father

It's killing me inside knowing that my son is leaving for College next year. He's been my life for 18 years.
just dont be like my mom and start crying white driving home and then ditch the damn car
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post #9 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 1:07 AM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

You are right colryn, it's both quality and quantity! You never know how the kids rate it! Keep up the good work!
My son is grown now, and I don't regret one second of time we spent together, no matter how inconvienient it might have seemed at the time!
Actually I still feel that way about time we spend together now, and hope I always do!

Conquer yourself rather than the world.
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post #10 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 8:20 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

Thanks for the kind words all. As I said, I am playing it by ear. I lost my father when I was 2 years old. So I grew up without one. I had no point of reference when it comes to being a dad. My mom did a great job trying to raise two boys on her own. It was not easy for her.

Abtech was spot-on, I realize the "reality meter" goes up as the children enter the picture.
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post #11 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 9:13 AM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

Nice write up As a new-ish father myself no matter what is going on, it can wait. Put down the wrench, turn off the tv, what ever ... and spend time with your young ones. Even if it means you have to play barbie with them or have a tea party. I think I just lost my man card on that one and traded in my nuts. sheesh.
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post #12 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 9:51 AM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

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Originally Posted by eyauch View Post
Nice write up As a new-ish father myself no matter what is going on, it can wait. Put down the wrench, turn off the tv, what ever ... and spend time with your young ones. Even if it means you have to play barbie with them or have a tea party. I think I just lost my man card on that one and traded in my nuts. sheesh.
You have earned something much more important.

Conquer yourself rather than the world.
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post #13 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 10:06 AM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

I have a different perspective on this, since my 9 year old son grew up in a divorced family.

I moved 90 minutes away from where his mother lives when he was 2, but make it a point to drive there to pick him up every other weekend, sometimes every weekend.

While we don't spend a great quantity of time together, the quality of the time we spend together is priceless. My ex and I are both remarried, and I am happy to say that the relationship I have with my ex is amicable, so there's no "you mother said this", "your father did that" going on with either of his parents.

Among other things, we inline skate, skateboard, ride bikes, play video games, toss a baseball around, and he even spends time with my current wife doing what she loves, event riding on her horse. (my son is taking lessons on how to ride from my wife) I told him that he can ride 2-up with me when he turns 10, so he can't wait until September of '07.

We talk on the phone at least twice a week, usually for 10 minutes, just to catch up on what's been happening. His attention span on the phone isn't usually that long, so we keep conversation to general topics.

I guess what I'm getting at is that my son KNOWS that I love him and would do anyting for him, even though we don't spend much time together.

...CB

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post #14 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??

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Originally Posted by eyauch View Post
Even if it means you have to play barbie with them or have a tea party. I think I just lost my man card on that one and traded in my nuts. sheesh.
Absolutely not. I have had many tea parties and played with Barbie on many occasions. It was important to my daughter that I spend this time with her. I had no problem doing it.
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post #15 of 17 Old 11-07-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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Re: Quantiy or Quality ??




So, after VOTING I stopped at Wally World and got the movie CARS so tonight is quality time with my two boys. It may be TV/movie time but sitting in the middle of these two.... It's priceless to me
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