One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing - Honda Motorcycles - FireBlades.org
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post #1 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 5:57 AM Thread Starter
 
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One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

After reading the post about the guy losing the bet and having a full body wax I had to post this..... I got it a year ago and it still cracks me up......



My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet?"

So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off! No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

*YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
together, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hairdryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this phrase haunts me!).

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.


Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself....

RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH DEAR GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

Iím making noises that only dogs can hear ..

Vision slowly returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP...

Everything is swirly and spotted . I cannot breath or speak - I have
forgotten how ..

Do I hear crashing drums?????

Wait a few minutes and I'm back to normal (nearly) After all this I want to see my trophy !!! - A wax covered strip with the hair that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!

Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . .

Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down.

DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??

WRONG!!!!

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.

In scalding hot water!! (Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax) So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!


There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located.

"Are we talking buttock cheek or is it covering - you know -
Everywhere? (cringe factor 20000 at this point) ?"

She's laughing out loud by now ...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!

I should be the 'butt' of someone else's work-night jokes.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace...The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!!

"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . . . .

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post #2 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 1:35 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

lol oh my god, thats funny, i have to copy that for my gf, she is starting an esthetician business, and last night she was showing me her new wax kit and no i didn't try it lol
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post #3 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 3:33 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

ROFL... That was a funny read... anyone else had this problem?

Have you ever thought of the new electrolysis way of hair removal? Not sure if they can do your private parts but its worth reading into...

(Ps, feel free to post any more funny experiences )

"Second is the first of the losers..."
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post #4 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 6:02 PM
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

Now that I've stopped laughing enough to type, You poor girl. I bet you needed the lambswool to sit on the bike the next day. Reminds me of my brother in law when his wife suggested he hot wax his nasal hair(he had heaps). First he made it to hot and burnt his nose and second he had to dig it out bit by bit with twezers because it would'nt fit out his nostrill. Still not as funny as the mental pictures I got of the episode you had though. Made my day.
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post #5 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 6:05 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Originally Posted by macca9540 View Post
Now that I've stopped laughing enough to type, You poor girl. I bet you needed the lambswool to sit on the bike the next day.
Haha, Loopy is suffering from a small issue in her mouth not allowing her to put her helmet on - Still, i doubt she would be able to sit down properly... Could be a bit sore???

Does your other 'alf know btw?

"Second is the first of the losers..."
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post #6 of 69 Old 04-24-2008, 6:38 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Originally Posted by macca9540 View Post
Now that I've stopped laughing enough to type, You poor girl. I bet you needed the lambswool to sit on the bike the next day. Reminds me of my brother in law when his wife suggested he hot wax his nasal hair(he had heaps). First he made it to hot and burnt his nose and second he had to dig it out bit by bit with twezers because it would'nt fit out his nostrill. Still not as funny as the mental pictures I got of the episode you had though. Made my day.
She ain't sitting that hairy ol thing on me! Well OK she can I think you need to find a BF that likes 'natural' and stay away from chemicals and heat. That hurt me (but yes I laughed to) and I don't have that torture on my to do list.

Must obey the sheep dog
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post #7 of 69 Old 05-01-2008, 7:37 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Next week I'm going to try hair colour . . . . . .
Just so you know.. the hair dye session passed without incident
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post #8 of 69 Old 05-01-2008, 2:19 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Just so you know.. the hair dye session passed without incident
Not sure what could go wrong with dying, apart from colour differences or forgetting to dye your eye brows the same colour as your hair.

Whats next on the list?

"Second is the first of the losers..."
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post #9 of 69 Old 05-01-2008, 3:31 PM
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Just so you know.. the hair dye session passed without incident
You would be a winner at show and tell. What colour did you dye the poor little thing?
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post #10 of 69 Old 05-01-2008, 4:03 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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She ain't sitting that hairy ol thing on me! Well OK she can I think you need to find a BF that likes 'natural' and stay away from chemicals and heat. That hurt me (but yes I laughed to) and I don't have that torture on my to do list.
All that is needed is a pair of clippers and a smooth hand.

22 days until it begins...
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post #11 of 69 Old 05-01-2008, 4:45 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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You would be a winner at show and tell. What colour did you dye the poor little thing?
ermmm... I meant the hair on my head!!!!!!!
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post #12 of 69 Old 05-02-2008, 2:47 AM
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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ermmm... I meant the hair on my head!!!!!!!
OOOPS! Sorry, I thought this was a continuing saga after the waxing that went bad. My apoligies.
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post #13 of 69 Old 05-02-2008, 1:49 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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post #15 of 69 Old 05-02-2008, 6:28 PM
 
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Re: One For The Girls........ Intimate Waxing

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Thank you! I can't believe it took this long...

Ride Red
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