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post #31 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:34 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

A young man starts work at the local adult toy store. The owner says he has to go and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something make one up.
A white chick comes in and asks "how much for the white dildo?" he says "10 bucks" and she takes it.
A black chick comes in and asks " how much for the black dildo?" he says "20 bucks" and she takes it.
A biker chick comes in and asks "how much for the plaid dildo?" he says "30 bucks" and she takes it.
The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dildo to a white chick for $10, a black dildo to a black chick for $20 and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30.
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post #32 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:38 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

A biker has been on the road for a weeks, without female companionship, and decides to get rid of the frustration.

At the next town, after finding out the location of the local bordello, he heads straight to it.

He kicks the door in, yelling "I want a woman, and I want one now!!"

The Madame recognizes his urgency, and ushers him into the main room where her best lady is.

The hooker is very impressed with what she sees as this big hunk starts stripping, exposing rippling muscles & tattoos, and eagerly waits to see the size of the love muscle.

Her shock could not be hidden, when the smallest Willy that she had ever seen was displayed. With contempt, she sneered at him, "and who the hell do you think you're gonna satisfy with that ?"

The biker just gave her a knowing smile, and replied.. "ME"
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post #33 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:40 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?" The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
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post #34 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:49 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

Dapper Dan had a sweet custom pan, that had of all things, an external leak. When ever it rained Dan would have to spread a thin layer of Vaseline on the valve covers to protect them from the rain, so he always carried a large jar of Vaseline in his coat.

As Dan picked up his ol lady to finally go for a dinner at her parents house, she explained the dinner rules. My folks are a little strange, but while we are eating dinner, please do not talk. My parents have been doing this for years and the one who talks first does the dishes.

Not a problem, he didn't want to do no f***ing dishes.

When they walked into the parents house he could see dishes everywhere, stacked in the kitchen, on the floor, on the counters, in the sink and the same in the front room.

After 5 minutes into dinner Dan started to get bored. He's sitting at the dinner table with his ol lady and her parents and no body was saying a word.

Dan thought, ****, the broad ain't worth all that, so with out saying a word he got up grabbed his ol lady jerked down her levis and f***ed her on the dinner table. Not a word was said.

As the mother brought out desert, Dan thought I'll make you assholes talk and grabbed the mother, hiked up her dress, bent her over the dinning room table and f***ed her. Again not a word was said.

As the mother was pulling her dress down, Dan noticed it had started to rain and ran for his jacket. He pulled out the large jar of Vaseline for his pan. Seeing this new move, the dad jumped up and said, "Alright damn it! I'll do the dishes!"
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post #35 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:53 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

The waitress was tired of this one biker always hitting on her, so she came up with a plan.
"I'll tell ya what, stud. I'll have sex with ya on two conditions. First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine.
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post #36 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:54 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

Dave works hard at the plant & spends most of his evenings riding his scoot with the boys. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them & says "Hey Dave, how ya doin?" His wife is puzzled & asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh No," says Dave. "He works at the plant."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable & says, "you must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser. "No honey, she works at the plant, too."
A stripper comes over to their table & throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says. "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse & storms out of the club.
Dave follows & spots her getting into a cab. Before she slams the door, he jumps in beside her & she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head & says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
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post #37 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 6:55 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, & I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer & takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" & says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist & pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black & blue with the skin hanging off in some places.

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on
your dick while it's in that condition?"

Crash says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
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post #38 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:01 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head, no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
The biker walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver," but 'til today, I ain't never seen nobody do it."
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post #39 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:04 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

"I was riding my Honda when I saw a sign by the road that said [Sisters of St. Mary's Convent, 10 miles, get screwed for only $ 50.], I thought, nahh must be a joke.
A little further, there was another sign, [Sisters of St. Mary's Convent, next exit, follow signs & get screwed for only $50]. Well I thought I gotta check this out, so I took the exit & followed the signs. Pulling into the parking lot I saw only a couple of other bikes. I went up & knocked on the door, a nun actually answered.
I said, "um, I saw the signs by the road." "Oh" she smiled, "Come on in." So I did, then she said, "You want to go down that hall on the right & then knock on the second door", so I did, (knock).
A half dressed nun with the greatest body I've ever seen on a sister answered, & smiled, she said "I'm just getting finished so just put the $50 in the jar on the dresser & go through that door at the end of the room, & wait a sec" She winks, & points to the door, & then saunters out wigglin' one hell of a nice ass.
I put my money in the jar, & went out the door. To my surprise, I found myself back in the parking lot. I thought this must be a mistake, & turned back to the door. There was a sign that read, "YOU've just been screwed for $50 by the Sisters of St. Mary's, Sinner"
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post #40 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:06 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

There were two flea friends that decided to go to Bike Week at Daytona. The first flea got there early and was lounging on the beach when the second flea got there. The second flea was sniffling, sneezing and really sick. The first flea asks him why he is so sick. The second flea says, "I caught a ride in a biker's mustache on the way here. It was freezing, sleeting and snowing." The first flea say, "Next year, do what I do. I go to a college dorm, crawl up the leg of a beautiful woman and catch a ride in her hair." So next year the first flea again arrives early. The second flea arrives later and he is sick again - this year even worse. The first flea asks, "Why didn't you try what I told you to do last year?" The second flea says, "I DID - I crawled up a beautiful woman's leg and was quietly waiting in her hair. The next thing I know, I was riding down the road in a biker's mustache again.
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post #41 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:07 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

A biker walks into a convenience at about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks "Where are your tampons?" The clerk goes, "Right down on aisle three, on the end to the left." Biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 min. later he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls. The cashier starts to ring him up and goes, "You know, I know it's none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons." Biker goes, "Well, last week I sent my ol' lady out for smokes and she comes back with ziz zags and tobacco, by God that f***ing bitch can roll her own too."
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post #42 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:09 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

Two bikers rode into a gas station in Indiana for a fill-up, because they
heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchased a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.
"If you win, you're entitled to free sex" said the attendant.
"How do we enter?" asked one.
"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10, if you guess right, you win free sex."
"OK. I guess 7," said the other rider.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant.
The next week, the two guys go back to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the one asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.
"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and
10, if you guess right. You win free sex."
"2" said the Harley rider.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Y'all come back soon
and try again."
As they walked back to their bikes, one said to the other,
"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"No way," came the reply. "My wife won twice last week."
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post #43 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 7:59 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

"I'm sure we’ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.

"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
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post #44 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 8:00 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
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post #45 of 1433 Old 07-03-2008, 8:01 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread.. ..

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
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