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post #1 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 10:00 AM Thread Starter
 
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Made redundant?

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, the Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the to be
eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

The management has always prided itself on the amount of **** it gives our employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****,please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management
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post #2 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 1:45 PM
 
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Re: Made redundant?


What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #3 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 1:48 PM
 
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Re: Made redundant?


Back on the road again!...
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post #4 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 2:04 PM
 
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Re: Made redundant?


DO YOUR DUTY IN ALL THINGS, YOU CANNOT DO MORE, YOU SHOULD NEVER WISH TO DO LESS!

GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE
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post #5 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 2:21 PM
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Re: Made redundant?


I was young and stupid then. I'm old and stupid now.
We get too soon old, and too late smart.
I started off with nothing and still have most of it left.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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post #6 of 6 Old 02-22-2009, 2:50 PM
 
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Re: Made redundant?

funny lol




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