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post #1 of 15 Old 11-30-2009, 2:21 PM Thread Starter
 
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Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

I despair, I really do...

Take a look at >THIS<

If they weren't so serious about this, it would be hysterically funny I pity the people of Poole this Christmas

What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #2 of 15 Old 11-30-2009, 4:17 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

That's about right, £14k of tax payers money wasted on that!

(Isn't The Times a little high brow for us lot??)
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post #3 of 15 Old 11-30-2009, 5:51 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

This would have done - and they would have got double points!

Tesco 6ft Snowy Mountain Christmas Tree - Tesco.Direct

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post #4 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 3:06 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destructo View Post
(Isn't The Times a little high brow for us lot??)
You speak for yourself young man..

What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #5 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

That is amazing, how stupid and silly can a board get. Makes you wonder how small minded and mousey these people are, that they have to take a job like this so they can feel empowered

Mind you watched a guy (H&S Inspector) give a lecture to workers on how to lift a cardboard box, he had charts, diagrams, display board and a convenient box. He spent x mins theorising and gave a demonstration, work force couldnt contain themselves..... but he had the last laugh, he got £400 for his wee speech




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post #6 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 1:14 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destructo View Post
That's about right, £14k of tax payers money wasted on that!

(Isn't The Times a little high brow for us lot??)
Such a waste of money !!!!! Telegraph for me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twincam View Post
This would have done - and they would have got double points!

Tesco 6ft Snowy Mountain Christmas Tree - Tesco.Direct

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post #7 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 2:17 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Here is another one for you....

Council tells woman: gnomes are fire hazard

What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #8 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 2:20 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Feckin obnoxious, viscous and garish looking little barstewards if you ask me, think the council got it right this time




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post #9 of 15 Old 12-01-2009, 6:27 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

They've nothing else better to do than waste time. And when you need them for something they're no where to be seen!

"Second is the first of the losers..."
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post #10 of 15 Old 12-02-2009, 8:49 AM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoopyLee View Post
I despair, I really do...

Take a look at >THIS<

If they weren't so serious about this, it would be hysterically funny I pity the people of Poole this Christmas
Ok i know i'm a bit late on this but i seen it in the Sun and thought the strap line was genius, Elf and safe tree ! You gotta love that

It wasn't me, honest !
post #11 of 15 Old 12-02-2009, 9:43 AM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Welcome back mate




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post #12 of 15 Old 12-06-2009, 6:35 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Here is another one..

Angel Wings Considered 'Unsafe' For Nativity

What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #13 of 15 Old 12-06-2009, 6:41 AM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

I also found this... And started giggling..... Then soon stopped when I realised it's not far from the truth here in the UK

The Rocking Carol

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:


Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way


A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around


The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.


Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.


You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.


Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load


The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labeled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star


Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for Gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camel feet.


Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed

Away in a manger,
No crib for His bed
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down His sweet head


This is definitely one for Social services!

What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others - Pericles

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post #14 of 15 Old 12-06-2009, 12:57 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoopyLee View Post
I also found this... And started giggling..... Then soon stopped when I realised it's not far from the truth here in the UK

The Rocking Carol

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:


Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way


A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around


The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.


Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.


You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.


Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load


The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labeled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star


Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for Gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camel feet.


Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed

Away in a manger,
No crib for His bed
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down His sweet head


This is definitely one for Social services!






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post #15 of 15 Old 12-06-2009, 6:36 PM
 
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Re: Health & Safety Brigade Have Lost The Plot!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoopyLee View Post
I also found this... And started giggling..... Then soon stopped when I realised it's not far from the truth here in the UK

The Rocking Carol

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.


Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.


Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labeled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'Cash for Gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camel feet.


Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed

Away in a manger,
No crib for His bed
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down His sweet head

This is definitely one for Social services!

CLASS!

Quote:
Originally Posted by [email protected] View Post
Elf and safe tree !
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