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post #1 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 8:23 AM Thread Starter
 
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On Forgiveness

Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
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post #2 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 10:31 AM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

It never goes back to the way it was. Never. Someone made a decision to take a particular action. Others were affected. That can't be undone. Things said, can't be unsaid. All one can do is decide, can you live with this and leave it in the past? Can you still have a good attitude towards the offender? The answer becomes more clear to you if that person is displaying a pattern. Repeating the offensive behavior while you keep forgiving? That will change you. It can distort your judgement, and erode your basic core values.
How much more emotional investment are you willing pay for this relationship?
Go punch your a**hole buddy in the nose and dump the girl!
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post #3 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

Agree with most of what jD has said, he crossed a boundary which should never be crossed, just like sleeping with your best friends wife, def a no no.
Its obvious the mate has zero respect for you.
Forgive him nah just distance yourself from him and get rid of the bird




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post #4 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 3:28 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to forget what they did. You forgive them by not holding a grudge or holding it against them but if they show no remorse or any desire to change it doesn't mean you have to continue being their friend. Unconditional love means telling the people you love the truth, even if it hurts them. You wouldn't call them out on it if you didn't care about them. Hopefully one day they'll realize what they did was wrong but that's not up to you. Good luck.
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post #5 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 4:35 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

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Originally Posted by ND4SPD View Post
Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to forget what they did. You forgive them by not holding a grudge or holding it against them but if they show no remorse or any desire to change it doesn't mean you have to continue being their friend. Unconditional love means telling the people you love the truth, even if it hurts them. You wouldn't call them out on it if you didn't care about them. Hopefully one day they'll realize what they did was wrong but that's not up to you. Good luck.
Or he gets his gf pregnant, gf keeps quiet as packman would make better dad?




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post #6 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 5:51 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

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Originally Posted by packman5280 View Post
Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
To be perfectly honest if you even need to ask this question after your so called friend did this to you then you are a doormat and will continue to be walked over until you stand up for yourself.
FFS grow a pair of balls and tell your friend and your girlfriend to go to hell and remove them from your life.
If it was me the friend would be getting one hell of a beating aswell.
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post #7 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 6:22 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
If your friend has done this before than either he is a really important friend, or indeed you are a doormat. However, ND4SPD hit the nail on the head. Forgiveness is really important for YOUR mental health. No, you never have to forget. You can't really. But to continue on is foolish if your friend has hurt you like this before. And as for the gf, her consenting to this makes her just as guilty. IMHO, neither need to be in your life.
To err is human, to forgive Divine. But to be walked on over and over is just stupid. You need to surround yourself with people that respect you as much as you respect them. That is the only way to survive. If you're a backstabbing c*nt then you deserve it, its karma, but if you are a good person that's been taken advantage of, several times, time to cut the losses and move on. Just my pennies man. Hope it all works out.

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post #8 of 78 Old 10-05-2011, 6:58 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

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Originally Posted by Wickid View Post
To be perfectly honest if you even need to ask this question after your so called friend did this to you then you are a doormat and will continue to be walked over until you stand up for yourself.
FFS grow a pair of balls and tell your friend and your girlfriend to go to hell and remove them from your life.
If it was me the friend would be getting one hell of a beating aswell.






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post #9 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 2:29 AM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

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Or he gets his gf pregnant, gf keeps quiet as packman would make better dad?
OUCH!! Yeah, you know that's entirely possible. How shitty would that be?
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post #10 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 3:56 PM
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Re: On Forgiveness

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Originally Posted by jondog9 View Post
It never goes back to the way it was. Never. Someone made a decision to take a particular action. Others were affected. That can't be undone. Things said, can't be unsaid. All one can do is decide, can you live with this and leave it in the past? Can you still have a good attitude towards the offender? The answer becomes more clear to you if that person is displaying a pattern. Repeating the offensive behavior while you keep forgiving? That will change you. It can distort your judgement, and erode your basic core values.
How much more emotional investment are you willing pay for this relationship?
Go punch your a**hole buddy in the nose and dump the girl!
Wow, you must be proud of your clever advice here. When he's charged with assault and battery, are you bailing him out?
A person can stop practicing what they're doing, and it's something that merits forgiveness. But if they keep on doing it, there is nothing they've felt contrite over, there is no forgiveness.
I have no idea what source of knowledge you used, but it's certainly unique.
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post #11 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 4:01 PM
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Re: On Forgiveness

Quote:
Originally Posted by packman5280 View Post
Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
If you're Catholic, why in the world are you asking this in a forum? Don't you have people at your church to answer these basic questions? Try google.
How Does Forgiveness Work in the Catholic Church? | eHow.com

Last edited by V65; 10-06-2011 at 4:19 PM.
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post #12 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 4:18 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

Take it easy V65, lets not attack ones personal faith. The thread was regarding a question he posted. Granted he admitted he was Catholic, lets not pick his personal life choice apart. There are other forums/sections for that. lets play nice, shall we

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post #13 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 4:20 PM
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Re: On Forgiveness

Granted, corrected. I'm just pissed at some stooges around here today pretending not to know they're jackal games go on and on, but they'll tell someone else about forum etiquette when they've got the act down in spades.
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post #14 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 5:52 PM
 
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Re: On Forgiveness

Unless you are married or living together... Bros before Hoes...

swaying to the symphony of destruction!!!!
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post #15 of 78 Old 10-06-2011, 8:11 PM
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Re: On Forgiveness

If we make the statement: “We have no sin,” we are misleading ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous so as to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we make the statement: “We have not sinned,” we are making him a liar, and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:8
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