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post #1 of 6 Old 02-14-2004, 2:27 AM Thread Starter
 
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Darwin awards

Some of these ring a bell, so I'm not sure how recent they are, but still funny


DARWIN AWARDS 2003
>
> It's that time again . . . . They are finally out! If you don't know
about
> the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did
> the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
> extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was
> killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
> attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees are:
>
> Semifinalist #1
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
> milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
> into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
> burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
>
> Semifinalist #2
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
> when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
> the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
> aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
> their pants around their ankles.
>
> Semifinalist #3
> A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
> octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
> County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
> these straps together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
> other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
> pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
> think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
> of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
> between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
> apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
>
> Semifinalist #4
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
> The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
> hospitalized.
>
> Semifinalist #5
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
> of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
> extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc..
> After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
> company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
> had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
> the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
> technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
> resembled a cigarette lighter.
> Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
> exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
> found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by
> the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
> been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
>
> And the winner . ..
>
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
> embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
> a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
> was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab
> finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a
> guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off -
> actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
> transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.
> He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long
> and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his
> car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as
> best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala
> hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from
> the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and
> melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly,
> would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy
> to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power
> for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver and soon to be pilot, most
> likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog
> fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become
> insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile
> remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds)
> before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing
> the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then
> becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff
> face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in
> the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however,
> small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater
> and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
> believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
>
> Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach
> 1, attaining a ground speed of approximately
> 420 mph.
>
>
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post #2 of 6 Old 02-14-2004, 7:33 AM
 
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Re: Darwin awards

...didn't bother looking them all up, but I knew the JATO one was urban legend.

http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp
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post #3 of 6 Old 02-14-2004, 7:52 PM
 
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Re: Darwin awards

true or not, These types of posts are allways good reading

Do unto others, before some prick does it to you!

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post #4 of 6 Old 02-14-2004, 8:00 PM
 
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Re: Darwin awards

I think those are all older ones ND4. I also think that the vast majority of these "awards" are based on total . Take #1 for example - if someone did belch out some gasoline fumes over flames he might look like a human flamethrower for an instant, but an explosion?

But like ratter said, it is still entertaining reading
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post #5 of 6 Old 02-14-2004, 9:14 PM
 
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Re: Darwin awards

It's time for JATO-Boy to retire. He wins EVERY year. Give someone else a chance fer cryin out loud.
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post #6 of 6 Old 03-20-2004, 4:53 AM
 
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