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I hope that these hve not already made the rounds but, here you go anyways...



An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a
lump of
dung and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold,
the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came
by and dropped some dung on it.As the frozen bird lay there,
in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon
began to sing. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug him out and
ate him.

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth


and another one too...

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small
> tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the
> first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this
> tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.""Yes,"
> she says, "I remember it well."
> "OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do
> it for old time's sake?"
> "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea, "she answers.
> There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all
> this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks,
> "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll
> just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
> So he follows them. They walk haltingly along leaning on each other for
> support, aided by walking sticks.
> Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
> fence.The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old
> man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence,
> the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that
> the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like
> eighteen-year-olds.This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling,
> "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.
> This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both finish. The
> policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he
> didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
> the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The
> policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going
> like a train.
> I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says
> to them,
> "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty
> minutes. How do you manage it?
> You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of
> secret?"
> The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Made me laugh a bit :idunno: Just thought that I would share...
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