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About a year ago I found out my wife was seeing another guy ('we're just friends, I swear, I'd never go near him&#33. I left, but we got back together about six months later. We have a son and I said I could look past the affair if it ends and NEVER happens again. Well, I'm an idiot. Things have been great, but I'm getting those 'vibes' again. I noticed her T Mobile bill never seems to be at the house, and I've seen his number on her phone (only incoming, so maybe he's calling, and she's not answering). I tried calling T Mobile to access her account, but it's passworded, and when I asked her, she won't give me the password. What do I do? She swears she hasn't talked to him in months. Anyone know of any ways of getting T Mobile to loosen their lips? Any help/advice would be great, this is killing me.

P.S. Confronting the guy is sort of out of the question, he's a cop, he's HUGE, and he's from a pretty corrupt city and probably wouldn't have any problem making my life miserable, or worse.
 

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Man, I feel bad for you. I know you're thinking about your son, but it doesn't sound good to me. If you've given her a second chance, she should be completely open and forthright about everything. Kinda sounds like she's hiding things.
 

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Schwaberts : P.S.  Confronting the guy is sort of out of the question, he's a cop, he's HUGE, and he's from a pretty corrupt city and probably wouldn't have any problem making my life miserable, or worse.
Just an idle thought:

I wonder what his boss would think about this?


Anyway, I hope you get this cleared up. I can see how it would really trouble you. Her hiding the phone records is a baaad sign....
 

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Ask her to leave the phone in the house to see how many times he calls. If you have his number just call him, and ask if he is still seeing your wife if he says yes. Take your son and roll out.
 

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figment : Quote (Schwaberts @ Oct. 10 2003, 1:41pm)P.S.  Confronting the guy is sort of out of the question, he's a cop, he's HUGE, and he's from a pretty corrupt city and probably wouldn't have any problem making my life miserable, or worse.
Just an idle thought:

I wonder what his boss would think about this?


Anyway, I hope you get this cleared up. I can see how it would really trouble you. Her hiding the phone records is a baaad sign....
His boss, the mayor, is in jail for embezzlement, fraud, and mob connections.

Oh, and having her leave the phone won't work, she's home way more than me and used to (maybe still is) erase his number & messages.
 

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Totally chitty situation man, I feel for you.

As a father, I would hate to break the family apart, but that is a decision she has already made for you. Take your son and find a better more fulfilling life.....
 

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I would hire a private detective. I know this could be expensive, but the lives of everyone in your family will change when you come up with the answer, so I would want to definitely know the truth. The evasiveness of your wife does seem fishy, but the fact of the matter is that you truly don't know. I would find out for sure before breaking apart your family. As a man that went through a horrible divorce, and an even worse custody battle involving my son from my first marriage, I know how difficult life can get for you and your child.

If the detective finds out that she is not seeing this guy or anyone else, you get the satisfaction that she is being faithful, and she will never know that you took these steps to find the truth.

If you find out that she has been cheating, you can take whatever action you choose, and know in your heart that you have done everything you could to be a good husband and father.

I would also have a consultation with a lawyer before doing anything with a detective, so he can tell you what can, or cannot, be used in court against her in regards to custody of children, property, etc... A lawyer would be able to tell you if a detective is the right way to go, and if anything discovered by him can be used in court. Even if it can't be used in court against her, you can find out the truth, and bring a little sanity to your life. The worst part is agonizing over not knowing.

Hell, if you can't afford a detective, rent or borrow a car and follow her yourself. Either that or ask a trusted friend to do this for you.

Good luck.

Pete
 

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figment : You could install a spy program on the computer that captures keystrokes...
ditto!  works well!   keystroke logger!

I have said it many times...cheat once, and they will never stop.  don't spend a bunch of doh on a PI...play her game...do it yourself...show up at random times...trace calls, its not that hard to find out the dirty on your own. BUT, if you are going to go to court...I guess its best to hire someone that will take the stand.

without honesty, what do you have?
 

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ND4SPDSHO : Get your son and leave.  She shouldn't be hiding stuff from her husband, especially with such a topic.  Pack your bags, and leave....better yet, tell her to get out!
I'm wid ju mang.
 

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S-

You have my sympathy, man. I offer the following for your consideration, since we don't know each other......

Ask her to go with you to some kind of ongoing counseling, whether a marraige counselor or your minister/clergyman.

(From her point of view, she could be acting appropriately, but dealing with what she'd consider a lot of suspicion from you, which would start a feedback loop.)

Or, she could be completely in the wrong and needs a way out, or she could be a lost cause.

But if she won't commit to that, you'd have to consider going for custody, so your kid gets raised with the right values.
 

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figment : Quote (ND4SPDSHO @ Oct. 10 2003, 2:01pm)Get your son and leave.  She shouldn't be hiding stuff from her husband, especially with such a topic.  Pack your bags, and leave....better yet, tell her to get out!
I'm wid ju mang.
The problem is you can't just 'take your son and go'. Again, you need to talk to a lawyer about the legal issues BEFORE you do anything. You can't take back a dumb move after you've done it. Know the law. Know what is looked at as 'in the child's best interests' in the eyes of the court system.

I know of what I speak. My first wife is a nightmare. My tale could and maybe should have a book written about it. It is something that you could easily see on a television law show....it was that bad.

You can get over a woman. You can accept what has happened to you in your relationship with a woman. What you can never live with is what things like this do to a child that has one parent(especially a woman) that thinks of no one but herself, uses the child as a pawn to get back at the father, looks at the child as a paycheck, and a host of other horrors.

I don't know what type of person and mother she is. Perhaps she would do none of the things I mentioned above. Only you, as a husband and father, MIGHT know that. Cover your ass, and talk to a lawyer. Then find out the truth. If you believe in your heart that she is cheating, and she refuses to cooperate, then leave. Just know ahead of time what your options are legally.
 

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Man am I sorry to hear about that. I'm a bit apprehensive to offer advice as I'm not there with you to see everything that's going on. Personally, I have always had the mindset that I would leave a woman if she cheated on me, but I never had to make good on that. I also felt that once a cheater, always a cheater. Have you ever considered asking her why she was seeing him to find out what she's missing in the relationship? I think people usually cheat when they feel they're missing something in their marriage.

As a Christian, of course, I always recommend prayer.
 

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Damn dude. That really blows. Unfortuanly I know a bit about the situation of which you speak... but I was on that other side of the coin.

Those things are TOTALLY consistant with a cheating spouce. It could just be a bad set of coincidences but it's VERY unlikely.

The only reaons one would hide stuff is if they have something to hide. 9/10 that 'vibe' is right. Humans have that sense for a reason. Check it out. If it's true.. it's time to leave. You do NOT need any of it.

The damage done will never be undone, you just deal with it and go on (either together or appart) but you need to find out for SURE!

What does she say about that ph# showing up on her phone? Ask questions and pay close attention to the body language in the response, insticts will seldom steer you wrong.

If she has nothing to hid then I think she should not have ANY problem letting you have access to everything.

Personally, I don't have any problem if my wife asks me where I've been, or what I've been doing because I'm not doing anything wrong.

I don't password my computer or my phones and she knows the passwords to all my accounts. I don't care, why should I? If I can't trust her there, how can I trust her with out children, and visa versa.

Man. sorry for the long post.... I'm just saying as one that hap perpetrated such a horrible deed in the past... her actions feel all too familiar.
 
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