Facts about Cuck Norris
>-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
> -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
> -Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
>probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
> -If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
>Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
> -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
>unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
>finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
>back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
>should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
> -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
>trademarked names for his left and right legs.
> -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
> -To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
>smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different
>kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
>Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
> -When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
> -Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
>JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
>beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
> -Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
> -A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
>you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured
>this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever
>saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
> -When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
>includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
>Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
> -Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
>first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
> -Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
>information he wants.
> -Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
> -Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
> -Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
>afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
> -Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
>the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the
>worst mistake anyone has ever made.
> -Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
> -A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
>handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
>belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
> -Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
>the man ate a fucking Indian.
> -If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
> -Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him
>win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get
>out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4
>card from the game UNO.
> -As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
>in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972
>Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional
> -Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
>stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
>Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
>gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to
>remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh
> -The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
> -Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
>removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
> kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
> -Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his
> -Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.