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I know i am going to make mistakes no matter what but am asking for advice for what not to do. I would like to give my daughter the best life I can so is there anything that you did or didnt do with your child that you regret doing? I want to avoid doing something that i will regret so I am asking for help and advice. Thanks fathers
 

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I don't have kids, but I used to be one.  I wish my parents had not played the 'I'm too tired', or 'We can't afford it.' card as much as they did.  I'm sure there were times when it was true, but it became an easy way out of having to take me to things like Boy Scouts etc.  Things to get me involved and be social.  When I was in HS, my dad was great about picking me up from football practice and in the off season picking me up from school so I could lift and stuff.  He also used to get up early every Sunday morning to take me to work.  All this of course before I got my license.  

My point is that it is important for kids to be socialized w/ other kids as early as possible.  It is important for kids to try as many different things as possible.  Help her learn how to learn.  Don't do things for her.  Help her to do it for herself, and it will build confidence, a love of learning, and lay a foundation for success.  

Above all else, talk to her often, and on her level.  Know what is important in her life and make sure that she feels like you understand her.  Know the difference between lecturing and talking.

Don't shelter her too much.  Guess what 14 year olds are doing these days?!?  They're doing some things that I didn't do until college.  Believe it!  

Good luck.

HD

EDIT: Spelling
 

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Heavy-Dee : I don't have kids, but I used to be one.  I wish my parents had not played the 'I'm too tired', or 'We can't afford it.' card as much as they did.  I'm sure there were times when it was true, but it became an easy way out.
Agreed. Always put your kid before others.
 

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ND4SPDSHO : Quote (Heavy-Dee @ Oct. 28 2003, 7:24am)I don't have kids, but I used to be one.  I wish my parents had not played the 'I'm too tired', or 'We can't afford it.' card as much as they did.  I'm sure there were times when it was true, but it became an easy way out.
 Agreed.  Always put your kid before others.
i do think our generation (in general...) tends to put the kids before work even... i think today's parents tend to spend more time with their kids... IMO...
 

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Be there. My dad was at every track meet (there were like 400 of them), every theatre production, every baseball game, everything. Now that I'm older and have a son of my own, I do the same thing, because I know how important it is to be there, even if my son doesn't get it right now (I know I didn't).

Oh, and try your best to keep your personal crap (work, money, fights w/your wife, etc.) away from them. It's none of their business, and it's okay to let them think the worst thing in life is no cartoons after school because the baseball game is on.
 

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When they say put your kid(s) first, that means:

reading her a book while the biggest game (whatever sport) of the year is on TV

taking her to the zoo in the AM when the animals are awake! (no sleeping in)

let her play with other kids around the hood, this means you may have to keep an eye on ALL of them. (we get up to 10 kids plus our 2 sometimes)

giving up a night at the bars (or whatever) with the guys to 'watch' your kid. (There is NO 'babysitting' when its your kid)

wearing your seatbelt wherever you go, with or without her in the car(you'll want to make sure you come back home to her in one piece)

give the Mother of your child a day/ night off, I don’t know how they do it sometimes(letting them have time to themselves scores you points also!

Go to you kids school functions, even if its a little 15minute show

I think all kids/adults need to learn more about Jesus/God, so go to Church

Help your child to learn values, they don’t NEED everything they WANT. Make them earn what they want, and tell them why.

If you can, help change a diaper or too (this also goes a long way with mom)

You don’t go to work for yourself anymore, you now work to provide for your child- food, roof over her head, insurance, transportation, education.

You also need to Play, Play, Play, Play, Play, Play, Play with her!

An older person once told me, 'The best gift you can give your child is a brother or sister, if you love your mate and things are stable in life its the best thing you can provide.'

After seeing my two boys play together, I think she was right…
 

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roadrunner954 : An older person once told me, 'The best gift you can give your child is a brother or sister, if you love your mate and things are stable in life its the best thing you can provide.'
Given Steg's current situation I think that is the last thing either him or his daughter needs right now. Wouldn't you agree Steg?

HD
 

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Well, I'm not a dad but you're going to get my $.02 anyway.  

Talk alot to your child.  I think that's one of the most important things that you can start doing now.  My sister's little guy is now 14 months and I notice that he listens to her whenever she speaks.  She's been talking to him since day 1.  He now also pretty good at understanding her when she tells him 'no'..and that's especially important now since he's walking and touches/pulls/grabs everything he can put his little hands on.

Don't let your child control you. I see too many parents like that..the child whines and crys and the parent allows the child to have his 'way' with whatever.
 

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dont pimp her out until she is at least 4. keep her out of child porn until 8. dont let her mom find out any of the above
 

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I am not a Dad but I am the oldest of my generation.  So, I've done my share of parenting.

Don't ever underestimate your kid.  They understand far more than you think.

I remember my parents used to spell things out thinking I didn't understand.  I also remember not letting on that I knew what they were talking about....

A child's mind is a sponge.  Do your best not to fight or argue in front of her.  She is learning your traits, if you yell and scream a lot, so will your kid.  If you are always high strung and nervous, pretty likely your kid will be too.

It is not the school's sole responsibility to educate your kid.  The building blocks should all be in place by the time kindergarden starts.  There are stores full of stuff for teaching young kids, it will make a huge difference.

And a serious pet peeve of mine:

THE TV IS NOT A BABYSITTER!!
 

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My daughter just turned 2 years old. I work 60 Hrs a week Mon-Sat and my wife commutes to NYC so she's away from home 12 hrs Mon-Fri. We both have bad days, rough commute, headaches etc. but all of that is cured by Jillian. Nothing else is important once we're with her. I get her ready for day care in the AM and we play with her until Tub time at night, when my wife gets her time with her. I feel like I owe this little girl everything. Everyone else gave great advice, The only advice I can give is don't squander an opportunity to teach you child something or to learn from them. I've been told there is no greater love than that for a child, and love is sacrifice, so just do what you know is the right thing.

Bill
 

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make sure they see you with a BOOK, so they will understand that reading is something people just do...

I never saw my parents read much, so I didn't. Luckily I still made it through college after breaking some habits... They'll be WAY better off if you teach them to read and read a lot early on.

And don't be afraid to discipline them... Let them know when they mess up, but ALWAYS be right there when they do well!

Thats my advice... But there is no rule of thumb for this stuff...
 

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A lot of great advice here.. and I can't really say much more, but I'll try

But with my 2 year old I feel that all I can do is play with him, no matter how tired I am after work and school, I'll be late to work because I want to play with him.  

If they bring you a book, read it!!!  And read it again if they ask, regardless of how many times they say 'Again'  

Talk to them, not at them.  I never used baby talk, and it has greatly helped his language development.  He may not understand everything I say, but I take the time to explain things.

If I had a daughter, boy friends would be target practice.  With my son it's important to teach manners and respect.  People always compliment him on his manners and I take great pride in that.  

Just remember what it was like to be a kid, and raise them accordingly.  Be a guide and mentor, not so much a friend.  Love them and play with them as much as possible.
 

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roadrunner954 : EXCELLENT ADVICE - ALL OF IT[/i}
An older person once told me, 'The best gift you can give your child is a brother or sister, if you love your mate and things are stable in life its the best thing you can provide.'

After seeing my two boys play together, I think she was right…

After having out second child just over a year ago.. this last one really came home. Althouth they fight at time (brother/sister crap) my daughter (the oldest) has someone to play with ALL the time, like when daddy has to work and mommy had to take care of the house. Both of them have another human to interact with.

And playing with the two of them, watching them work together to 'take the old man down' when we rough-house or when both are sitting on one's lap while you read a book. Truely priceless moments.

Your priorities must shift from yourself to them. And giving the mom time off (my wife is a full-time homemaker, we are blessed that I can run my business from home and it's successful enough that she can stay home) is SO important for so many reasons (her sanity, social development, your sanity, social development).

I applaud you Stegen for looking for ways to make your childs life better. I truely regret I was not 'on board' for my first child. Precious moments lost forever. Don't make that sort of mistake.
 

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Not a father but...

Never miss a date with her. If you make plans with her, keep them.

If she wants to do something (music, dancing, etc.) let her. I had the opportunity to play Ice Hockey in the Olympics, but my parents didn't want me leaving home alone. There may have been more to that, but i still think... what if?

And above all cherish every day, because tomorrow is not a sure thing!

Good luck.
 
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