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Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
 

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It never goes back to the way it was. Never. Someone made a decision to take a particular action. Others were affected. That can't be undone. Things said, can't be unsaid. All one can do is decide, can you live with this and leave it in the past? Can you still have a good attitude towards the offender? The answer becomes more clear to you if that person is displaying a pattern. Repeating the offensive behavior while you keep forgiving? That will change you. It can distort your judgement, and erode your basic core values.
How much more emotional investment are you willing pay for this relationship?
Go punch your a**hole buddy in the nose and dump the girl!
 

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Agree with most of what jD has said, he crossed a boundary which should never be crossed, just like sleeping with your best friends wife, def a no no.
Its obvious the mate has zero respect for you.
Forgive him nah just distance yourself from him and get rid of the bird
 

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Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to forget what they did. You forgive them by not holding a grudge or holding it against them but if they show no remorse or any desire to change it doesn't mean you have to continue being their friend. Unconditional love means telling the people you love the truth, even if it hurts them. You wouldn't call them out on it if you didn't care about them. Hopefully one day they'll realize what they did was wrong but that's not up to you. Good luck.
 

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Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to forget what they did. You forgive them by not holding a grudge or holding it against them but if they show no remorse or any desire to change it doesn't mean you have to continue being their friend. Unconditional love means telling the people you love the truth, even if it hurts them. You wouldn't call them out on it if you didn't care about them. Hopefully one day they'll realize what they did was wrong but that's not up to you. Good luck.
Or he gets his gf pregnant, gf keeps quiet as packman would make better dad?
 

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Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
To be perfectly honest if you even need to ask this question after your so called friend did this to you then you are a doormat and will continue to be walked over until you stand up for yourself.
FFS grow a pair of balls and tell your friend and your girlfriend to go to hell and remove them from your life.
If it was me the friend would be getting one hell of a beating aswell.
 

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"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
If your friend has done this before than either he is a really important friend, or indeed you are a doormat. However, ND4SPD hit the nail on the head. Forgiveness is really important for YOUR mental health. No, you never have to forget. You can't really. But to continue on is foolish if your friend has hurt you like this before. And as for the gf, her consenting to this makes her just as guilty. IMHO, neither need to be in your life.
To err is human, to forgive Divine. But to be walked on over and over is just stupid. You need to surround yourself with people that respect you as much as you respect them. That is the only way to survive. If you're a backstabbing c*nt then you deserve it, its karma, but if you are a good person that's been taken advantage of, several times, time to cut the losses and move on. Just my pennies man. Hope it all works out.
 

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To be perfectly honest if you even need to ask this question after your so called friend did this to you then you are a doormat and will continue to be walked over until you stand up for yourself.
FFS grow a pair of balls and tell your friend and your girlfriend to go to hell and remove them from your life.
If it was me the friend would be getting one hell of a beating aswell.

:thumb:
 

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It never goes back to the way it was. Never. Someone made a decision to take a particular action. Others were affected. That can't be undone. Things said, can't be unsaid. All one can do is decide, can you live with this and leave it in the past? Can you still have a good attitude towards the offender? The answer becomes more clear to you if that person is displaying a pattern. Repeating the offensive behavior while you keep forgiving? That will change you. It can distort your judgement, and erode your basic core values.
How much more emotional investment are you willing pay for this relationship?
Go punch your a**hole buddy in the nose and dump the girl!
Wow, you must be proud of your clever advice here. When he's charged with assault and battery, are you bailing him out?
A person can stop practicing what they're doing, and it's something that merits forgiveness. But if they keep on doing it, there is nothing they've felt contrite over, there is no forgiveness.
I have no idea what source of knowledge you used, but it's certainly unique.
 

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Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
If you're Catholic, why in the world are you asking this in a forum? Don't you have people at your church to answer these basic questions? Try google.
How Does Forgiveness Work in the Catholic Church? | eHow.com
 

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Take it easy V65, lets not attack ones personal faith. The thread was regarding a question he posted. Granted he admitted he was Catholic, lets not pick his personal life choice apart. There are other forums/sections for that. :thumb: lets play nice, shall we :smilebig:
 

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Granted, corrected. I'm just pissed at some stooges around here today pretending not to know they're jackal games go on and on, but they'll tell someone else about forum etiquette when they've got the act down in spades.
 

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If we make the statement: “We have no sin,” we are misleading ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous so as to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we make the statement: “We have not sinned,” we are making him a liar, and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:8
 

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Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?

People don't own each other.
If you were in a committed relationship then you have to ask why your girlfriend felt the need to go elsewhere. Whether the problem lies with her or you the result is the same, a relationship going nowhere.
Clearly she wasn't sufficiently interested in pursuing a relationship further with you or she wouldn't be looking elsewhere. And if she wasn't that interested anyway then you haven't lost anything.
As for your friendship, that's a different matter. If he made a deliberate play to entice her away from you knowing you were involved with her then he did wrong. However, the fact that she went along with him while she was involved with you clearly shows she isn't all that interested in you anyway.
My view is, your buddy screwed up but he hasn't actually done you any harm. If she hadn't gone with him she would've gone with others that you probably wouldn't even find out about.
 

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You're lucky. Imagine, if you married her, had kids, and then she cheats on you with her secret drug dealer, and disappears for years after you established a great career that you give up to take on a single parent life. You're way ahead! Find something with better values than what she's performed here. As far as your friend, I wouldn't need to call him a friend anymore. He could have stopped himself. It's one thing to give in to a random woman offering to polish your chrome, it's completely another to knowingly tap into a friends girlfriend with full knowledge, and apparently he's also a Catholic? It's common for relationships to be one sided, in this instance, you're just learning now perhaps, there isn't a relationship anymore to worry about?

Curious, when did Catholics accept pre-marital sex anyway? Last time I talked to a Catholic, he was really proud of his 9 kids, saying he couldn't use birth control of any kind or it would be a sin. He also said premarital sex was forbidden. Did a new bible revision say it's all OK now? :huh: It's a rhetorical question by the way. I guess the church needed to update to today's moral atmosphere to maintain membership. They've been doing that since the 4th century. I'd suggest finding a girl from another faith. Like Billy Joel sings, keeping the faith, the song is ironic in the sense you had high moral expectations, but everyone involved is living as they please.
 

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Does forgiveness (i'm catholic, but want to hear what anyone thinks) mean everything goes back the way it was? if a good friend, say your best friend of 30 years (i'm 33, so yeah, a while) goes behind your back with a girl you're dating, how can you go back, and must you go back to have actually forgiven that person? If, say, this isn't the first time this person has exhibited their selfishness in a way that has directly disrespected or been insulting and mean towards you, how many times can you let that happen before you make a change? If you make a change and decide that you don't want to spend your time with someone who does that, can you still say you have forgiven him? or, can someone do something to you that irrevocably damages your relationship, even though you, at some point, forgive that person?
Wow, tough one! :(
If it were me, I would forgive completely because we don't always know what other things make them make the stupid decisions they made.
BUT...it's gotta be genuine forgiveness because it's not healthy on your mental kit to hold a grudge. Wastes your time and will always be simmering on the back burner somewhere. Forgiving is like giving yourself the freedom to move on.

Focus on those around you that show you the respect you deserve and let the not-so-respectful people float out of your life. There are more deserving people out there for you to get to know.
Good luck!
 

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People don't own each other.
If you were in a committed relationship then you have to ask why your girlfriend felt the need to go elsewhere. Whether the problem lies with her or you the result is the same, a relationship going nowhere.
Clearly she wasn't sufficiently interested in pursuing a relationship further with you or she wouldn't be looking elsewhere. And if she wasn't that interested anyway then you haven't lost anything.
As for your friendship, that's a different matter. If he made a deliberate play to entice her away from you knowing you were involved with her then he did wrong. However, the fact that she went along with him while she was involved with you clearly shows she isn't all that interested in you anyway.
My view is, your buddy screwed up but he hasn't actually done you any harm. If she hadn't gone with him she would've gone with others that you probably wouldn't even find out about.
:huh: He's totally eroded the whole basis of friendship - trust. :(
Sounds like he's done that before. Maybe I read it wrong? Could have been her first screw up ever and his habit of sleeping with other's gf/wives? Especially a best friend - biggest no-no:nono:.
 
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