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What are some good quotes you know or have heard in the past?

I was out car shopping with a buddy of mine, and while we were on the test drive out of the blue the salesman comes out with this:

'Let me give it to ya in layman's terms. If you can find a $10 hooker to do the same as a $40 hooker, why go with the more expensive one? Pay the $10 one, treat her well, and she'll stick around'
 

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figment : 'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' -Ben Franklin

It's baaack!





What the hell kept you? Is the power of the boxer side so strong?

Nice to see you back
 

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TroyBoy : Never let your mouth write cheques your body can't cash!
If we're talking Top Gun quotes then the best the movie has to offer is, 'I'm not going to sit here and blow sunshine up your ass.'
 

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A very gay ass. principal where I work came in the main office one day pissed off to get some latex gloves while he said...'This is NOT good.'

My coworkers and I responded with, 'Alright...we've gotta go.'
 

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As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I fear no evil. For I am on my Fireblade and I am the fastest Mother F'er in the valley.

Never threaten your Dalmatian with spot remover.

Don't say mole... I said mole.
 

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I always liked clint eastwood's in heartbreak ridge.
'how bout i bend you over the table, nail you in the keichster, and send you home with i just pumped the neighbors cat look on your face'
 

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as lead maintenance at my facility i will reitterate a few that i hear on a regular basis:

'i swear it was like that when i got over here'
'no... i didnt even touch it'
'of course not, we're not even allowed to touch that'
'no, i don't even know what that does'
'it was stuck so i just tapped it' (usually spoken for itself by the tell-tale hammer marks, lol)
'day shift must have done it'
'you can fix that right ?'

and my favorite: 'it just fell off !'

there are a million others but my brain is on standby right now... can you believe i havent used a lathe in a few years and i forgot how... this should be a good time for all parties involded,
 

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Usually said to someone who has just screwed up the simplest of tasks.

Remember the 20% rule, you must be at least 20% smarter than what you are working on.
 

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'And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and its not okay because if they take my stapler then ill set the building on fire. ' - Milton Waddams
 
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