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DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders
 

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Democracy, Canadian style:

You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has one. Your neighbor is in a lower tax bracket so he's making more money with his one cow than you are with 2. You sell your second cow but pay tax on the capital gain so now you have less money than you started with.

Someone says Canadian cows are mad, so Americans won't import them. Price of American cow goes up, price of Canadian cow goes down. American comes across the border and buys your cut-rate cow, hoards it in a Canadian feedlot until the border is re-opened, then bring it to the US and sell it for way more. Pay no tax on the capital gain.

Canadian ends up with no cow, wishes he hadn't bothered.
 

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phobiaphobe said:
Democracy, Canadian style:

You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has one. Your neighbor is in a lower tax bracket so he's making more money with his one cow than you are with 2. You sell your second cow but pay tax on the capital gain so now you have less money than you started with.

Someone says Canadian cows are mad, so Americans won't import them. Price of American cow goes up, price of Canadian cow goes down. American comes across the border and buys your cut-rate cow, hoards it in a Canadian feedlot until the border is re-opened, then bring it to the US and sell it for way more. Pay no tax on the capital gain.

Canadian ends up with no cow, wishes he hadn't bothered.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :clap: :clap:
 

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:clap: :clap: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
 

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OK, so they're bulls, work with me.

McGavin to his new partner...

"There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one, 'Hey pop, let's say we run down there and fuck one of them cows!'

The older one says, 'No son, lets walk down and fuck 'em all.'"


:idunno:
 

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Chain said:
OK, so they're bulls, work with me.

McGavin to his new partner...

"There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one, 'Hey pop, let's say we run down there and fuck one of them cows!'

The older one says, 'No son, lets walk down and fuck 'em all.'"


:idunno:
:rotfl: Nice addition :thumb:
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Bacchus said:
Pretty good Red Rider! :clap:

Also good - not much chance of THAT one being a repost... :smilebig: No one could forget that tome! :p
I knew I was safe with this one...:smilebig:
 

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Sri Lankan cows:

You have two cows. You train them to shit in your field so your vegetables grow faster and you milk them to sell to the tourist hotels, because you don't drink milk or eat cheese. During the day they wander the roads and forests at will. Bananas, coconuts and pineapples grow like weeds on your plot of land. You have plenty to eat and life is happy.
 
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